Inspired

So.....its been quite a while since I graced this blog with my presence. And a lot has been going on in the life of Me. The most important thing that has happened is that I've found my 'Motivation Mojo' once again. Whew! Thank goodness! I thought it was lost forever. But no, it was just hidden under stress, baby blues, and a whole lot of bad eating habits.

First of all, we got sick. And by 'we' I mean the.entire.house. A couple of weeks ago, I was feeling pretty motivated on a Monday so I headed to the gym with my boys. I had a wonderful workout and was feeling great! I headed home and proceeded with a normal day. Rob (the husband) had to work all day and night so I was on my own with the boys. We went to a new produce store and walked around a bit, went to a cool $5 dollar fashions store that I found in my area and then headed back home. I started to feel a bit off in the late evening. When 9pm hit, I was hugging a toilet bowl. I proceeded to show that toilet bowl some real hugging love every hour on the hour for the rest of the night. On top of that, my oldest son (almost 4) came in to my room in the middle of the night in between my puking episodes and began puking himself. Then I found out in the morning via text messaging that my husband got sick at work as well that same night. Yes, you guessed it. The dreaded Stomach Flu was upon us. The puking (and other not-so-pleasant things) only lasted 24hours but after that my body felt like it had been run over by a truck! I think I slept for about 18 hours the following day. Then finally the baby got it. He was running a fever, vomiting, and had this very deep cough. The cough got worse and worse until it eventually landed us in the ER.  My little man was diagnosed with an Upper Respiratory Infection brought on by flu-like symptoms. He was immediately placed on antibiotics and I had to give him 5 breathing treatments a day for a week and a half.

SO......with alllllll THAT being said, we are FINALLY back in good health and I am able to take the baby out of the house as he is totally better. This means that I have been able to get back to my workouts. I got back in the gym on Monday and have been going faithfully once a day (its only been 3 days...does that qualify as 'faithfully'? haha). But more than that, I FEEL much better about things.  And by things I mean, my body image, my health and my weight loss endeavors.

For a while since I had Jonah (that's my new little man's name), I have been feeling this pressure to be back to where I was before I got pregnant with him. And this pressure was (and still is) totally self imposed.  I will be around other women who have children or who have just had a baby like me and I think, 'I need to get fit. I need to look good like them/better than them'.  Ugh. WHY??? Why was I feeling like that?? It was like this nasty competitive mindset that was really starting to bring me down. I mean obviously, we're all different. Some women can have a baby and gain next to no weight and 2 weeks post partum they look bikini ready. Other women, like me, do not have that luxury. It takes much time and effort simply to be 'One-Piece Ready'. (lol I will NEVER be able to wear a 2-piece after these boys of mine. My stomach looks like a Texas Road Map of stretch marks. Oh well!) So the bottom line is, why was I allowing this negative self talk to get to me? Well, the truth is....its a lot harder to stop than you might think.

When you beat yourself up for as many years as I have, this negative self image is something that becomes a sort of security blanket.  Never take a compliment, deflect them all with self deprecating humor. Always frown when looking in a full-body mirror. Always suck in your tummy and say to yourself, 'I wish I was thin' when looking in said full-body mirror. These were the things that some how, in a very weird way, comforted me for so long. So when someone tells me I need to do the opposite...??? Well, saying its a hard habit to break is an understatement. Its nearly impossible!

However, I'm doing my very best to turn down the negativity in my mind. I don't think it will ever go away completely, but what I do know is this:  Every day that I stay on track; every day that I get in a good form of exercise; Every time I choose the healthier option....the easier and easier it becomes to be positive about myself and my goals.

And that's what its all about.

I'm back folks. I'm back.