Recently, I've been sitting back and reflecting on my relationship....my marriage to be exact. Don't worry, this is a good thing. I sat back and had some realizations of how thankful I should be for the person I have as my partner and for the life that we've created for ourselves thus far. This ties into pregnancy because I started thinking about how happy I am to be adding to our family and how creating a human being is such an amazing act of mutual love. Its really something very important and should not be taken lightly.
I think I should first give a few of you readers an insight to my relationship and its beginnings. First of all, Rob and I met......on MySpace. Yes, I said it. MySpace. Even now, it makes me laugh. He openly admits that he was bored and just looking for someone to "have a good time with" (go ahead and fill in the blanks there). He stumbled across my profile as someone in the same town he was in and he says he thought I looked kind of sexy and cute in my picture, so he was naturally interested. He sent me a private message and we began talking. I saw his picture(s) and was also instantly attracted, but I was more scared of meeting someone from the internet. I was scared and thought that most people on the internet were weirdos and it would be a bad idea to meet these people in a real life situation. But eventually, he wore me down and I relented into a meeting. From there, the rest is history. We only dated for 6months before he asked me to marry him and we both agree that we just sort of "knew" that we were right for eachother. March of 2013 will mark 5 years of marriage. I still can't believe that I've been married for that long.
Why can I not believe it? Well, here's something else about me that you may not have known: For as long as I can remember, I have always claimed that I would never get married and that I would never have children. And of course, I'm the first among my siblings to do both. The funny thing is, having a husband and creating a family was never something that I thought was particularly important to me. I had big dreams of becoming a writer/journalist and living in a city like New York or Chicago and tackling the world on my own. Never once, in all of my daydreams did I ever picture myself with a man or with children.
To think about that now, I think....how empty my life would have been.
I have to say that I really never understood what unconditional love really was, until I met my son for the first time. I never understood that level of emotion before. That feeling that you would do ANYTHING for this tiny person. You really WOULD take a bullet for them, throw yourself in front of a car, protect them in any way possible. And its so much more than that. Rob and I have talked about this before and we both feel the same way. The way we love our son (and this next child) is so much more intense than the way we love eachother. Sometimes, I wonder to myself if this is a bad thing. But, in my opinion....I don't think its bad at all. In fact, I think its just the two of us being completely open and honest with eachother about how we feel. Don't get me wrong, I love Rob more than any other man in my life....but the love I have for Jeremiah is on a completely different level for me, and the same goes for Rob conversely. And I'm okay with that.
So, I guess I'm writing all of this because, as I said in the beginning, I've really been thinking about how thankful I am to have all this love in my life. There are many people in this world who are not so blessed. And for all his faults, I desperately love the man who gave me these blessings. I love the man who chose me. I love the man who provides for our family day in and day out. I love the man. Period. I think all too often, a lot of us lose sight of what we have in our partners. I mean, sure they get annoying. Sure, they don't always do what we ask them to. And sure, they aren't always the best listeners. But its important to remember that we have our faults too. I'm sure that living with me and dealing with me on a daily basis is no walk in the park. But I respect and love and honor the man that has vowed to continue living with me, loving me, and yes, dealing with me, til death do us part.
*I guess this one didn't have much to do with Pregnancy tonight, but I felt compelled to speak on it, since all these things have been in my mind for the past couple of days. *
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