Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Another Rainy Day.....
Its another cold, rainy day here in Southern New Jersey. I find that with rain comes some much needed time for introspection and deep thought, while being stuck indoors. So here I sit, a warm cup of freshly brewed coffee to my right, and the baby watching his morning cartoons to my left...and here I go with my thoughts and my computer.
I've been watching quite a few videos this morning from some of the people on YT that I'm subscribed to. I've been seeing one central theme: Depression and Confusion. Its rather obvious that the Depression is coming from a halt in their weight loss progress and the Confusion is coming from them asking themselves, 'Why am I not losing? Why am I remaining stagnant? Why did I let myself get to this point in the first place?' And that last question is one I'd like to address in today's blog.
How did we get to this level of overweight or obesity?
The answer to this is different for everyone, but still there is one central truth. There is some sort of a vicious mental cycle that we all went through that made the weight problem get progressively worse and worse and worse. I'll tell you what happened with me. I became very aware of my weight issue when I lived in Florida my junior year of High School. I was surrounded by these tiny, tan, and cute girls my age who were 'bikini ready' at any time of the year. I....on the other hand.....definitely was not. I always knew that I was a 'bigger girl' than my peers, but I never had it thrown in my face before like I did when I lived in Florida. I came from Michigan where the uniform of clothing was ripped jeans, tshirts and hoodies....these all provide for optimum "flub coverage" as I used to call it. So when I came to Florida (which is the land of shorts, skirts, mini's, and tank tops) I couldn't hide anymore. Here enters my vicious cycle. I would see all these pretty girls around me, I would then compare myself to them. I would get depressed, I would get angry, and then I would turn to food to comfort me. The funny thing is, that food was the VERY THING that put me in that 'overweight' situation in the first place!!! So, now you know what I mean by "The Vicious Cycle". Before I knew it, I was graduating High School at over 215lbs.
Recently, I've been sitting back and thinking, whats different now? Why has this idea of weight loss and fitness and health seeming to "stick" now? Why? And even sitting here typing this...I can't put my finger on exactly why I've had (and am still having) success with losing weight and becoming a healthier more active person. I would like to say that maybe its because my life is at a certain point where I can dedicate a lot of time and energy to it and really focus on it. But then again, I don't want to admit that because.....what happens when I get my degree and I start work in a law firm working 60 hour work weeks (or more)????? Will health and fitness just "not fit" into my lifestyle anymore? Will I gain it all back?
This has all really got my mind churning this morning. I'm now trying to focus most of my energy on TEACHING myself how to ALWAYS make the healthier choices. I need to find ways to get extra exercise in FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. Recently, I've realized how much I enjoy running and I've been thinking....maybe becoming a marathon runner or a distance runner or just your 'every day jogger' is something I can do for the rest of my life. I love the clarity of mind I get when I'm running. I just focus on one foot in front of the other, I focus on my breath and all the other thoughts and frustrations seem to melt away. That is DEFINITELY something I want to keep enjoying for the rest of my life.
So, to those people that made those vids in the YT community (you know who you are)...I'm sorry, but I don't have a magical "answer" to help you out of this rut. I can only tell you this: I've been in the same "rut" before. I STILL get into them...as I'm only human. The main truth is that only YOU can pull yourself up out of a slump. Only YOU can force yourself to be accountable and to stop whining and to START WORKING. "No one ever got ahead by sitting on their behind". Corny saying? Yes. Is it true? Absolutely. You can't expect to get anywhere if YOU'RE NOT PUTTING IN THE EFFORT. A rather well known Youtube Vlogger said it the other day in her "comeback video". It works if you work it. I hate to hear people say, "I've tried everything! I just can't lose weight!" Why do I hate that? Because I used to be the person that said that! (lol haha) It wasn't until I actually sat back and was honest with myself that I realized...yeah, I gave those things a try...but I never committed. I was never truly focused. I was never really dedicated. I was doing everything half assed. And until you sit down and 'be real with yourself' in that manner, you'll just continue to lose and gain and lose and gain and lose and gain.
This entry is not to say that I'm perfect; its not to say, "Look at me, I'm having success so do what I do..." NO! No no no no no A THOUSAND TIMES NO!!! All I'm saying is this: Make the decision that you're going to get healthy. Wake up every day and remind yourself of that decision. Choose what avenue you want to lose the weight, AND JUST DO IT! Everyone knows themselves and knows what will work best for them. And if you don't know, then thats all the more reason to get out there, research these things, and give it a try!
"Determine that the thing can and will be done, and then we will find the way."