Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Call it a Comeback!!!!!

Well hello there bloggers and....blogees???? lol Is that what you're called if you're an avid reader of blogs?

 I know, I know....I've said "I'm back!" before and it never quite stuck....but really and truly...I am back this time for good. Well, at least for the next year. Yes, as you may have already guessed, this is a blog entry about....you guessed it....my goals for 2014. *Note: I used the term 'goals' instead of 'resolutions'* What I do - which I realize, may be different than others - is to make GOALS for the New Year and then seek to achieve those goals.  Some goals may be extremely easy, while others may be extremely difficult. But reaching those extremely EASY goals seems to make me more motivated to attack those lofty, more difficult goals. 

So, with all that being said: Here are my goals for 2014. (Not in any particular order of importance)

1.  Lose 70lbs (Yes, this is one of those LOFTY, and more difficult goals. HOWEVER, I WILL accomplish it. 70lbs is what it would take for me to be at my ULTIMATE goal weight of 150lbs. I am determined to finally reach that goal.  I do not care if it takes me until midnight on Dec. 31st 2014! I WILL do it. That's all there is to it).

2. Run two 5k's and two 10k's in the year 2014. (This is my attempt to get my running back up to par and to get myself worked up to a half marathon.  Some of you - if you watch my YouTube videos - know that I have made a life goal of running a FULL marathon by the time I'm 30yrs old. This gives me about 3 years to work on this life goal. So, in 2014 this is how I will be working my way up to that goal).

3. Begin Schooling for my BA in Legal Studies. (This goal is an example of one of the easier, more readily attainable goals.  I have already submitted my application and transcripts, now I'm just waiting to see if there is availability in the Spring Semester for me to begin, or if I'll have to wait until the Summer sessions begin. But still, it is important for me to obtain my BA and its something I want to begin doing THIS year).

4. Daily Meditation.  (This one is also fairly simple.  I remember taking a class in college - which was a bit of a blow off course - but in it, the professor taught the importance of meditation.  And we even practiced meditation in the first 15 minutes of every class! Some of us just thought it was lame, but I have to admit that I began to look forward to those first 15minutes.  So, I would like to begin daily meditation.  I want to do it in the beginning of each day, but ultimately, as long as I can get in some meditation time before I go to sleep at night, I will consider that goal met).

And that's really it! I know, its not a very long list but I feel like if you make too many goals, you will forget about the ones that are REALLY important to you. And these few goals are the ones I'm most focused on accomplishing. I guess another goal is to continue with my Youtube videos which are mainly focused on weight loss.  I really enjoyed sharing my life with others on Youtube and I found that my journey to health and fitness was really interesting/inspiring to many others who watched. So I'm starting that back up as well. I have been making videos for the past few months already and I want to keep that going.

In addition to my Youtube videos, I will also be blogging from time to time.  I'm making it a goal to blog at least twice weekly, but I may blog more.  My blogs will probably be mostly about weight loss and my efforts to get back to my healthy weight, but from time to time, I tend to ramble. So get ready for that. (haha).

Well, if you made it this far, I thank you. I wish you all a very happy, healthy, and successful New Year. Make it a GREAT year! I intend to.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013


So.....its been quite a while since I graced this blog with my presence. And a lot has been going on in the life of Me. The most important thing that has happened is that I've found my 'Motivation Mojo' once again. Whew! Thank goodness! I thought it was lost forever. But no, it was just hidden under stress, baby blues, and a whole lot of bad eating habits.

First of all, we got sick. And by 'we' I mean the.entire.house. A couple of weeks ago, I was feeling pretty motivated on a Monday so I headed to the gym with my boys. I had a wonderful workout and was feeling great! I headed home and proceeded with a normal day. Rob (the husband) had to work all day and night so I was on my own with the boys. We went to a new produce store and walked around a bit, went to a cool $5 dollar fashions store that I found in my area and then headed back home. I started to feel a bit off in the late evening. When 9pm hit, I was hugging a toilet bowl. I proceeded to show that toilet bowl some real hugging love every hour on the hour for the rest of the night. On top of that, my oldest son (almost 4) came in to my room in the middle of the night in between my puking episodes and began puking himself. Then I found out in the morning via text messaging that my husband got sick at work as well that same night. Yes, you guessed it. The dreaded Stomach Flu was upon us. The puking (and other not-so-pleasant things) only lasted 24hours but after that my body felt like it had been run over by a truck! I think I slept for about 18 hours the following day. Then finally the baby got it. He was running a fever, vomiting, and had this very deep cough. The cough got worse and worse until it eventually landed us in the ER.  My little man was diagnosed with an Upper Respiratory Infection brought on by flu-like symptoms. He was immediately placed on antibiotics and I had to give him 5 breathing treatments a day for a week and a half.

SO......with alllllll THAT being said, we are FINALLY back in good health and I am able to take the baby out of the house as he is totally better. This means that I have been able to get back to my workouts. I got back in the gym on Monday and have been going faithfully once a day (its only been 3 days...does that qualify as 'faithfully'? haha). But more than that, I FEEL much better about things.  And by things I mean, my body image, my health and my weight loss endeavors.

For a while since I had Jonah (that's my new little man's name), I have been feeling this pressure to be back to where I was before I got pregnant with him. And this pressure was (and still is) totally self imposed.  I will be around other women who have children or who have just had a baby like me and I think, 'I need to get fit. I need to look good like them/better than them'.  Ugh. WHY??? Why was I feeling like that?? It was like this nasty competitive mindset that was really starting to bring me down. I mean obviously, we're all different. Some women can have a baby and gain next to no weight and 2 weeks post partum they look bikini ready. Other women, like me, do not have that luxury. It takes much time and effort simply to be 'One-Piece Ready'. (lol I will NEVER be able to wear a 2-piece after these boys of mine. My stomach looks like a Texas Road Map of stretch marks. Oh well!) So the bottom line is, why was I allowing this negative self talk to get to me? Well, the truth is....its a lot harder to stop than you might think.

When you beat yourself up for as many years as I have, this negative self image is something that becomes a sort of security blanket.  Never take a compliment, deflect them all with self deprecating humor. Always frown when looking in a full-body mirror. Always suck in your tummy and say to yourself, 'I wish I was thin' when looking in said full-body mirror. These were the things that some how, in a very weird way, comforted me for so long. So when someone tells me I need to do the opposite...??? Well, saying its a hard habit to break is an understatement. Its nearly impossible!

However, I'm doing my very best to turn down the negativity in my mind. I don't think it will ever go away completely, but what I do know is this:  Every day that I stay on track; every day that I get in a good form of exercise; Every time I choose the healthier option....the easier and easier it becomes to be positive about myself and my goals.

And that's what its all about.

I'm back folks. I'm back.

Friday, February 15, 2013

Days of Rest (6&7/30)

Yes, I guess I missed a day, but it was intentional. Why? Because I made an intentional decision to take the day off on Thursday.  It was my Valentine's Day gift to myself. We ordered pizza for dinner, Rob bought my favorite bottle of wine (of which, I had a couple glasses). I went to bed Thursday night without picking up or preparing for the next day. I just did NOTHING. And of course, I didn't go to the gym either.

Now, today- Friday- was a different story. Today was a very much unintended rest day...well, sort of rest, but not really.  I got up today with every intention of hitting the gym, but when I looked at the clock, I was brought back to reality. I didn't get up until after 9am! My boys (BOTH of them) slept in! I'm so used to the baby monitor acting as my alarm clock and the baby waking up at around 5 or 6am and thats when I usually start my day. My ENTIRE schedule was kind of thrown out the window this morning. Plus, those two glasses (or so) of wine I had the night before didn't help either.  AND I woke up to a house in chaos. I failed to notice how messy things really were when I went to bed the night before. It was just a MESS!

****For those of you that don't know, I'm kind of a clean freak.....sort of. I don't think its anything more than a normal person, but recently a friend of mine diagnosed me as a "Compulsive Cleaner" and...I think she may be right. I think I may have a problem here. haha******

So I started to clean up the mess and before I knew it, it was after 1pm! Then we had a doctor's appointment for Jonah which lasted FOREVER.  The doctor's office was behind schedule today so we ended up waiting like an hour before we were seen and then it took even longer when we actually got seen because of a mix up about what shot it was that Jonah needed today. By the time we got out of there it was after 5pm! I got home, made dinner, ate, kept cleaning, and then looked up to see it was after 7! The kids area at the gym closes at 8pm on Fridays, so by the time I would get there, I would barely have 30minutes to work out. So, I decided that the gym wasn't a possibility today. HOWEVER, I feel like it was entirely a "rest day" because I was getting some pretty good physical activity in by cleaning the house. Moving furniture, sweeping, mopping, scrubbing, etc etc etc. Yeah...I think I did a minimum amount of physical activity today, but...it will have to do.

So there you have it, thats my coupla' days in a nutshell. I'm now sitting in front of the TV, half watching "Pretty Woman" and half typing this blog entry. I'm about ready to call it a night and get ready for a fun-filled day at the fair tomorrow. Well, hopefully....if its not too cold.


Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Pushing (5/30)

So, I haven't made a video for my Youtube vlogging channel in over a week. Ugh! What is WRONG with me??? If I blog, I don't vlog.  If I'm vlogging regularly, then I'm not blogging. What the hell??? I really need to get this all together. For real.

Anyway, I came on tonight to discuss what its like to truly PUSH yourself towards something. Tonight, I pushed myself. And it felt good in the end.

After cooking dinner and eating it, I had made the decision that I was going to sit around for a bit to let my food digest, then I was going to pack up the boys and head to the gym, with or without Rob. Then...I ended up taking a little cat nap, which was actually maybe only 20minutes long.  I got up and laced up my gym shoes, then heard the distinct sound of rain coming down in buckets on my roof. Lord, if theres one thing I hate, its getting rained on. Seriously, its one of my biggest pet peeves.  So I thought, 'oh well...guess I'll just wait an hour and see if it dies down or not...' and sure enough, it did! But the longer I was sitting there, the more and more I began to talk myself out of going. It was like this mental tug of war in my head - go...no don't go...yes! go!...no...let's not - I swear, I felt like Jan Brady in the Brady Bunch remake movie when she hears that psycho voice in her head. Yes, it was really that bad.

But before I knew it, I grabbed my water bottle and my purse, got Jeremiah's shoes on (the baby was fast asleep so I left him at home with Rob) and out the door we went. It was as if I just shut my mind off and let my body just go through the motions of getting us out the door. And ya know what? When I got to the gym, the work practically did itself. I really, really, REALLY didn't feel like working out tonight....but once my feet started to run on that treadmill....I just kept going and going, like the Energizer Bunny.

So for right now, I don't care that I haven't dropped 30lbs yet.  I'm just happy that I'm finally turning a new leaf with my activity levels. I'm MAKING myself go to the gym, even when I don't want to. I'm PUSHING instead of giving in. If I just keep pushing, then I'll be at my goal before I know it. -And in that sense, weight loss is almost like an analogy for giving birth....hmmm....weird. -


Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Inspired (4/30)

So, I posted this on my Facebook page earlier today...but something really inspired me today.

I was at the gym this morning - as usual - and I saw this man whom I've actually seen many times, but today I had the pleasure of working out next to him on a machine.  This man is probably 60yrs old at the least and....he's blind.

Now, I've seen him before. He has this little headset that he wears when he's on a machine and it hooks up to what looks like an old school cassette player, but I'm guessing its a machine that hooks up to the workout machine that he's on and it tells him in audio how fast he's going or how long he's been working out for, or something like that.  He also has his little walking stick and he uses it by placing it against a machine to feel if there is any vibration, if there is then he knows someone is using that machine, if there is no vibration, then he knows its free for him to use. I mean, I have really watching this man and...I'm amazed.  I'm inspired. I'm just totally humbled.

Here we are - and I use the term "we" as a general term - anyway, here we are everyday coming up with every excuse under the sun as to why we can't find the time and/or ability to get up and get some exercise...and then...there's this blind man who can not only find the time to go, but does so every.single.day. I mean, if THAT doesn't wake you up, then what the f*ck will????

I have decided that whenever I feel like just skipping the gym because I'm being lazy and whiny and I just 'don't feel like it', I'm going to remind myself of this man. I'm going to sit here and think about how difficult it must be for him to get up and get out there everyday, yet...he does it!

So, yeah.  Put that in your proverbial pipe and smoke it. If a 60yr old BLIND MAN can get out of the house once a day to workout, then YOU can surely make time for a 30minute walk around your neighborhood.


Monday, February 11, 2013

Weigh In Tomorrow (3/30)

Yeah, I'm a little nervous.  I always get myself a little worked up before a weigh in, especially when I'm apart of a challenge. Don't know what I'm talking about? Well, as some of you readers may know, I'm apart of the Youtube weight loss community. Yep. Thats right! Along with this amazingly riveting blog of mine - please note the sarcasm - I also make videos on my very own Youtube channel. And yes, you guessed it, these videos are about weight loss. Well, a few friends that I have made through "the tube" - as I like to call it - are hosting a Biggest Loser challenge and I am one of the competitors. Hey, laugh if you want, but I'm in the running to win $150 to a store of my choice. Hell yeah! I wanted in on this competition for sure. Well, that and I also needed something that would help to keep me focused and driven.

Well, I'm having a visit from "Aunt Flow" at the moment (side note: if you don't understand the "Aunt Flow" reference then google it, or look it up on urban dictionary....or...okay, I'll just tell you...I'm on my period!) and I'm worried that it might effect my weigh in in the morning. Lord, I hope not.  I have been really good these past few days and exercising like crazy, so I hope it reflects on the scale in the morning. But, we'll see.

Other than that, everything was pretty great today.  I went to the gym this morning and was going to go back tonight, but I admittedly got sidetracked with putting together a Valentine's Day gift for my Grandma, so the gym got put off. But I ate very well today and didn't even snack late at night! SUCCESS!!!

Now, I've just cleaned up the toys and prepared the baby's bottles for the night.  Rob is already fast asleep and I need to hit the hay as well! Until tomorrow!


Sunday, February 10, 2013

Horrible Headache (3/30)

The title says it all. I have had a horrible headache pretty much all day and I can't figure out why. Am I properly hydrated? Yes. I drank a TON of water today not to mention a couple of small glasses of all natural fruit juices. I just cannot shake it. And no, I didn't take any medicine for it. I'm someone who does not like to take medications unless they are absolutely necessary. So, I'll just try to sleep it off tonight and see if it goes away. If I wake up and still have this nagging headache, then I'll take something for it.

So, it was a pretty good day for the family today and for my activity levels. We went to the YMCA as a family. The boys went into the play area while Rob and I headed for the fitness room. Our first stop? The treadmills. We ran for a total of about 35 minutes. I was very proud of myself because I ran for 27minutes straight without stopping, and at a pace that I have recently worked up to. When I first started running this time around, I was barely able to run for 2 minutes at a pace of 4.8mph. So I have been slowly and surely working my way up with speed drills and endurance running training. Today I did 27 minutes straight at 5.4mph! Now, back in the day I was running at about 6.0 to 6.2mph...on a good day I could even sustain 6.5mph! So, only being at 5.4 shows that I have a ways to go to get to where I was, but still, progress is being made. And thats the name of the game.

So, I'm going to cut this entry a little short tonight as I'm not feeling at my 100% best. But here's hoping for many more lengthy blogs in the near future.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Unintended Rest Day (2/30)

Okay, Day 2 out of 30.  Off to an okay start, I suppose. Lets not jinx it.

Well, I started out the day today with the full intentions of working out TWICE. I was planning a 1.5gym session this morning with the boys in the daycare area. Then I was planning either a long walk or a quick run after dinner time. Well.....THAT didn't happen. We had an impromptu visit from my inlaws and it was a great day! I just didn't get ANY physical activity in (well, other than cleaning the house and picking up after Jeremiah).  I feel kind of crummy about this.  I can't quite put my finger on it, but I'm starting to feel like nothing is happening with my weight loss. I keep struggling with the scale going up and down the same 3-4lbs and its really getting annoying. I have had many suggestions to keep track of my measurements along with weigh ins on the scale and I think I'm going to start doing this. Along with, PICTURES. Maybe this will help me stay motivated. Now don't get too excited. I won't be sharing any of these pictures just yet.  For right now, I would like to keep them for my personal motivation, and once I see a noticeable difference, I may post one or two here on the blog. 

The thing is - if I'm being perfectly honest- I'm still not giving my weight loss endeavors 100% of my effort. I think back and remember (and watch my old Youtube videos) of how I used to be, and DAMN! I was one focused woman! I know that I am still capable of being that focused and on track, I'm just a little bit more busy than I thought I would be. I don't think I fully realized how busy you are when you have a toddler and a new baby.  And let me be clear here, I'm NOT making any excuses for myself. In fact, I'm doing the exact opposite. I've always believed that the key to success - no matter what your situation is- is to realize your limitations and deal with them head on. Thats how anyone becomes great in this world, in my opinion. You have to realize what you can and can't do, then run with it. For example, I cannot dedicate 4-5hrs a day to working out. It just doesn't fit into my schedule.  But I CAN fit in 1-2 hours a day and whats more, I CAN counteract inactivity with extremely healthy eating.  The fact of the matter is - again, if I', being completely honest here- I'm not doing these things. I mean, I have the activity down - sort of - but I'm not being the healthiest I can be with my eating.  For the most part, I stick to my daily amount of allotted calories, but there are a few days that I don't and its those one or two days a week that can completely ruin your entire week of healthy intentions.  This is what I need to work on.

Everyone has to have a moment like. I like to call it my, "Cut The Bullsh*t" moment. There comes a time in everyone's life where you just have to be real with yourself. Why am I not losing the weight I want to be losing? Because I'm not giving it my all, thats why. Bottom line is, you can work out 5 hours a day but if you go home and eat a whole pizza and follow it with a pint of Ben&Jerry's (insert your favorite flavor here) then all that work ends up being for nothing. Now, I'm not doing THAT bad with eating. In fact, I can't even remember the last time I even had frozen yogurt, and pizza? Forget about it. But there are still those moments of overeating and eating out of boredom or emotional eating, and that has to stop altogether if I really want to get anywhere.

So, there you have it. There's my late night confession, I suppose. 

Friday, February 8, 2013

Missed 11days...WHOOPS!

Well, so much for my resolution of "daily" blog entries. LOL Why in the hell do I find this so difficult to do? I just don't understand. How hard is it to sit down at your computer and tap out a few lines each day? I mean, really Julie. Lets get it together.

So, whats been going on lately? Well, a lot!

I'm definitely "on track" now. Today - Friday- is a well needed day of rest.  I'm thinking that I will continue to make my rest days on Fridays because I weigh in every Tuesday morning for the Biggest Loser Challenge that I'm apart of with some friends on Youtube.  Anyway, I have been going to the gym, faithfully, every morning and even going back at night a few times. I'm really beginning to feel like I'm back in the swing of things.  I've already lost a good amount of weight too. Altogether, since giving birth I am down 22lbs! I just realized that yesterday and I was blown away! I'm well on my way to health and pre-pregnancy weight. And after I reach my pre-pregnancy weight, I'll have about 20 or so more to lose in order to get to my ultimate goal, and healthy weight according to my doctor. I'm so excited and motivated to reach these goals. But, first things first.  Lets just focus on ridding myself of the pregnancy weight.

I think the most important thing that happened lately, is the fact that I'm now THINKING like I should be.  I'm no longer expecting things to change overnight. I've finally come to the realistic way of thinking about things, which is to say that I've realized it is going to take a lot of consistency and hard work and TIME to reach these goals. I still have the same goal though, I want to be at my pre-pregnancy weight by June. That gives me roughly 4 more months to lose about 30lbs.  That means I would need to lose 5-8lbs each month. And I think it can be done. If I'm not at my goal by June, then thats okay, but I definitely want to be within 5-10lbs of that goal. And from there, I will re-evaluate things and figure out how I'm going to get the last 20 to 30lbs off. And thats that.

In other topics, I"m thinking that making this '365 Days of Blogging' goal, was a rather lofty one. So, I'm going to just shoot for a month. 30 Days of Blogging. If I make it 30days, then I'll try for another 30. Then another and another.  You see where I'm going with this, right? Okay. Thats enough for today. My coffee cup is empty and the baby needs to be fed. So, I'm off. Have a wonderful weekend!

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Fun-Filled Saturday (14/365)

OK. I am aware of the fact that it is Sunday morning and I'm making my entry for Saturday. But it still counts. Why? BECAUSE I SAY SO! And this is MY blog, so I get to make the rules. Deal with it. Alright then, moving right along.

Yesterday was a pretty good day.  I started the day out with a nice 2.5 mile jog along the bridge that leads over to Clearwater beach. It was actually really nice. I sweat like a freaking pig and today I'm noticing that I may have gotten a very slight sunburn on my face, nothing painful or anything, I just notice that my face feels a bit tight and that usually means you got a bit of sun. I didn't have a respectable running time or anything on my run out there, but it just felt good to be outside, in a beautiful area, and doing something that I love, running. Yes, I did have to walk a bit here and there, but I'm still working on getting back into running shape. Actually, speaking of that, I've decided to enter into a 5k race in March with my best friend. Its called the Color Vibe Run - or something like that - its where they throw packets of color on you as you run and you end the race looking like a disgruntled smirf. But I think it sounds like a lot of fun.  Race Day is on March 16th, so it is my goal to get in shape enough that I'll be able to run the entire 3.1 miles without stopping. I don't care if it takes me 45minutes at an extremely slow pace, but I just want to go the distance without stopping and having to walk.

So, after my awesome outdoor run, I came home, showered and then we decided to head into Tampa to our favorite Sushi restaurant. And oh man. It was awesome. Then I heard from a friend that it was Gasparilla weekend there in Tampa. I totally forgot about it! So we decided to swing by and check it out. After driving around for 35 minutes we FINALLY found some inexpensive parking and hiked it down to the parade. For those of you who don't know, Gasparilla is a celebration of Pirates - I think- where everyone is dressed up like Pirates and they get really drunk, act really stupid and generally have a good time. LOL There's a parade with all these Pirate themed floats and they throw beads at you.  Jeremiah got a ton of beads just from people that walked past us, they said he was "so cute" and they would give him a handful of beads to wear. He's running around the house playing with those beads as I sit here typing.

After we had had enough fun there at Gasparilla, we headed to the next town over and went to Tropical Smoothie Cafe. It was AWESOME! I've never had a Tropical Smoothie before and it was really good! I think I'll go there again!

So, after my fun filled day yesterday, I've decided to take a bit of a rest day today.


Friday, January 25, 2013

Just Say No... (13/365)

Yep, thats right folks. Just Say No! hahaha

Thats what I did tonight. Rob came home from work with a big old bag of tortilla chips and two jars of Chi-Chi's Salsa.  Now, normally I would have dived into those chips and salsa and probably munched on almost half a day's worth of calories. But as it happens, I was in the middle of preparing our dinner when he came home and I had a nice full glass of water next to me while cooking. So when he said, "You want some?" It was pretty easy for me to simply pick up my glass of water, take a big swig and say, "Nope. I'm good". Yep, I'm good. Thats for sure!

Its small things like this that make up a HUGE difference in the end. Just think about that.  Have you ever seen that commercial where a woman is talking about leaving a little bit of food on your plate after each meal and think of how much that would add up to.  Its a really old commercial, so maybe you haven't seen it.  But that commercial has always stuck with me. I try to remember it when I feel like lapping down my entire plate full of food even when I'm no longer hungry.  Just think. What if you left a quarter of your plate of food there each time you eat.  In a day, it would surely add up to almost an entire meal's worth of calories that you skipped out on. And that can be a great thing because most of the time our meals have much too many calories as it is. 

I did pretty well today.  We went to the gym this morning and I was GOING to go tonight....but then Rob fell asleep - which is not out of the ordinary- and the baby was still asleep so I didn't feel comfortable leaving the house if Rob wasn't awake to hear if the baby woke up to be fed. So, I stayed. But I'm excited for tomorrow morning! I'm thinking of getting out really early and going for a run on the beach.  The beach is only about a 5minute drive from my house and there is a really nice running/biking path right next to the bridge that goes over to the beach. I think it would be a great and fun workout! I might just wait til Jonah wakes me up in the morning to feed him (usually around 5am or 6am) and then get ready and go after he falls back asleep. Then I'm thinking of going back to the gym tomorrow afternoon for some strength training.

I gotta say, I'm really loving this motivation I'm having right now and I'm taking advantage of it. We all know that days of great motivation like these do not always happen when you're trying to get healthy and lose weight. So, I better make the most of them while the motivation is still there. Happy Friday night to everyone!


A Good Day (12/365)

Well, its Thursday and yes, its been a good day. Despite the fact that I could not go to the gym this morning, I still pushed myself to get off my butt at 7pm this evening and get out there and go to the gym.

Have you ever heard that the hardest part of working out is getting yourself to the gym? Or simply getting yourself out the door? Well, I firmly believe this to be 100% true.  At least with me it is. See, when I'm sitting at home, merely thinking about going, all these things run through my head. I start to think of how tired I am, I start to think of all the excuses of why I can't go - which are really just reasons that back up my inherent will to not go - but somehow, I manage to get myself up and out the door and you know what? When I get there, it doesn't feel so bad! I get on a machine and I start going and it seems like the work is almost doing itself.  Well, almost. haha

My problem has always been going to the gym at night. In the mornings, its not so difficult. I'm not really doing anything else, so I just get dressed, get the kids packed up and then hit the road. During the day, going to workout just feels like something I can do to fill my day - yes, I really am THAT bored at home all day - but in the evenings, going to the gym just feels like a chore.

So, today was a good day. I got to the gym and I feel better for it. I have to keep working on this though.  I don't want it to feel like such a chore in the future. So the more I do it, the more my body and my mind will get used to it and I will learn to rely on it.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Jam Packed Day (11/365)

Lets just start off by saying this: I. Am. Tired. Thats it.

I rarely ever take naps during the day or early evening.  Yet for the past two days I have felt so overly tired that I needed to take a nap for an hour or so in the early evening.  What is going on? Well, I think it could be a couple of things. For one, Jonah is still not sleeping completely through the night yet.  He gets up every morning at either 4am or 5am, at which point I feed him and go straight back to sleep.  Also, I'm not really going to sleep at a great time to get the optimum amount of sleep. I think I should start going to bed by 10 or 11pm at the latest. Lately I have been going to bed at midnight or close to 1am. Thats not very good for getting enough sleep. And just a quick fun fact: Getting adequate sleep and rest is CRITICAL to weight loss.  I think this is why its so hard for me to shed pounds quickly because I'm not always getting the right amount of sleep each night.  And sometimes Its impossible because I'm still dealing with a newborn, who does not have a set schedule yet, but we're getting there.

On another note, I had my interview today at a Law Firm! It was very exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. Man, these attorneys are very good at their poker faces.  They were very good at not letting me know if they liked me or not. I felt like the interview went very well though...but sometimes that doesn't mean much. Ugh, I don't know. If I don't get it then oh well. I can just stay home a bit longer and wait to go job hunting until Jonah is a bit older. This was an opportunity that just kind of jumped up and presented itself to me out of the blue so I jumped on it. We'll see what comes of it.

But in regards to going back to work. I'm continually trying to imagine what life and weight loss will be like when I'm working 8-10hours a day.  I mean, when you come home, even from an office job, you're exhausted! I will need to work on motivation and finding time to workout. Like today for example, I had to get up, get ready, get the kids ready, drive them to the sitter, drive out to the interview and then come back, and THAT wiped me out. Yes, I took another nap this evening. And no, I have not gone to the gym today. UGH! I HATE it when I don't go to the gym.  Makes me feel like I'm being wasteful of our money since we're paying for it.

Either way, I'm sure I'll figure it out. It just takes time. Time and patience.


I Forgot! (10/365)

Did you ever forget? I did! It happened to me. Yes, I forgot to write an entry for Day 10...so I'm writing about Day 10 on Day 11. Yeah....get off my case about it.

Yesterday (Tuesday) was actually a very good day.  I got to the gym in the morning, had an AMAZING workout then I went to pick J and Jonah p from the child care center. Yeah. Not so good. Jeremiah had a problem with his "Potty Mouth" as the lady put it. He was telling people to shut up and calling other kids stupid and stinky heads. Oh man. That sucks. To get a report like that, it just makes you feel like you're doing something wrong as a parent. But I know I'm not, especially because there is no proven "right way" to parent your children. We just do our very best and thats that.

That situation above is probably why I forgot to write my entry last night.  I was dealing with an unruly 3yr old who did NOT want to be taught a lesson of how he should and should not act when in a public place with other little children. Yes, we battled last night and I was freaking tired! Also, I got a phone call yesterday afternoon to schedule an interview with a Law Firm in an area close to where I live! So, I was kind of preoccupied with preparing for that interview.

Anyway, no real "epiphanies" for Day 10...not that I've ever really had a profound epiphany. LOL

Monday, January 21, 2013

Executive Decision (9/365)

Today, I made a very important decision.  An "Executive Decision" if you will. I made the decision to sit on my ass. And no, I'm not happy about it.

FOR THE RECORD: I was NOT willing to sit at home for yet another day. Nope, I was all ready and willing to pack the kids up and head to the gym at 4pm today. Then, reality set in.  Reality in this case, came in the form of my husband. See, he had the day off from work today and I invited him to come with us to the gym. He asked how my back was feeling today and I told him, honestly, that it was not at 100%.  Basically, the sharp pains that I had in my back yesterday are gone, but what is left is the feeling of sore muscles. I liken it to the same feeling you get in your abs when you do a lot of sit-ups or crunches and the next day you feel a bit sore in that area.  Well, thats how my lower back muscles felt today. From what I can gather, I think these muscles are sore because they were working so hard to compensate for the awkward way I had to walk and move all day yesterday due to the sharp pains I was having. So, after I answered him I realized that going to the gym with the intention of working out pretty hard when your body is not feeling particularly normal, probably isn't a great idea.

And I HATED IT. All day long I felt like a big old lazy loser. Ya know what it felt like to me? It felt like I was just making yet another excuse as to why I just couldn't find the time or ability to workout today.  This is just another reason why I'm so angry that this happened to me.  If it hadn't of been for that stupid epidural I would be back up and running - literally- just like I used to. But again, I have to take my own words from last night's entry and live by them. This is life. We can't help the situations that happen to us and you can't go back in time to do things differently - if I could, I would go back and have an all natural birth - so I'm just going to get a good night's sleep tonight and resolve to try my best again tomorrow. I AM going to the gym tomorrow. If I find that my back is still sore, then I'll take it extremely easy and maybe just walk the entire time on the treadmill, but if I'm feeling a lot more normal (cross your fingers, arms and toes for me) then I'll hit it hard like I normally do.

I have a feeling that this is how its going to be for me from here on out. I'll have some good days where everything is fine, and then I'll have some bad days where I'm in pain and there's just nothing I can do about that, except learn how to deal with it.

Yes, I'm feeling a little down...but determined to pick myself back up and try, try, try again. Goodnight.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Facing Obstacles (8/365)

Yes, as you may have guessed from the title, I'm having some difficulties lately. And by lately, I mean all day today. See, Friday I decided I would take the day off from the gym so I could give my muscles some time to rest.  Then we ended up being out very late on Friday into Saturday. And it just so happens that Saturday was my "Mommy's Day Off" where I left the house for a few hours and just did things for me. I meant to go to the gym that day, however I got sidetracked while I was out enjoying myself and I lost track of time, therefore by the time I got home it was a bit too late to be going to the gym. So that brings me to today, Sunday. Today I had every intention of going to the gym in the morning and then going for an outdoor run this afternoon around my neighborhood. Well, that didn't happen. Why didn't it happen? Obstacles. Thats why.

As I may have mentioned previously, I suffered some complications from the epidural I received during the birth of Jonah.  I had severe head, neck and back pain for days on end after I got home from the hospital. I got better - obviously - however, I still have lower back problems from time to time. Usually every morning when I get up, my lower back feels pretty weak, so weak in fact that its even difficult to pick Jonah up from his crib without experiencing some pain in my back. Well, today was a very odd day for me because I woke up with little to no back pain - which was great! - then all of a sudden I got up from the couch to get another cup of coffee and it was as if someone was holding a knife in my lower back. I had to have my back brace on all day and an icy hot medicated patch as well.  THIS is the obstacle I am forced to have to face.  I also think that this back pain is going to hold me back from reaching a lot of the physical goals I have when it comes to fitness.  I still think I'll be able to lose the weight, but I'm not sure if I'll really be able to run long distances like I want to. And I'm not sure that this pain will ever really go away.

But you know what? Thats life. You can complain, and bitch and moan about it. Or, you can accept it, work with it and refuse to let it get you down. I'm working on the latter. I mean, I'm not entirely "accepting" of the situation I'm in and I may or may not be seeking legal representation to bring suit against the hospital for their negligence, but other than that, I just have to learn to work around it. There are NO excuses. What I mean is this: simply because I'm experiencing back pain, does that give me the excuse to eat unhealthy foods and sit on my butt all day? No. It doesn't. I can always eat healthier foods, and if running or even walking isn't in the cards for me in my future due to my back problems, guess what IS in the cards then? Swimming! Swimming is a great exercise and you're virtually weightless during it, therefore it puts little to now strain on my back. THIS is what I mean by making no excuses. 

Everyday, you can find a million reasons NOT to do what you know you really need to do. This goes for more than just weight loss.  I am continually annoyed with those who whine and complain about not being able to get their lives organized or get their list of things done for the day. I have never understood this. I have always been a very determined person.  If there is something I know I need to get done, I do it and thats that. If I don't get it done, there's no use complaining or whining about it because I am the reason it didn't get done. My laziness or poor organization is the reason it didn't get done. So, I continually choose to kick my own ass and MAKE myself do what I need to do, day in and day out.

In regards to weight loss, I will say this. The moment that I decided to stop making any and all excuses when it came to healthy eating and working out, THAT is when I finally had my greatest successes with weight loss. I'm continuing with this mentality this time around as well, because I know it works. Think of it this way: I don't care what path you choose in order to lose weight and get healthy - i.e. counting calories, weight watchers, hcg, south beach diet, sensa, etc, etc, etc - if you set out determined and focused and you follow these plans, YOU WILL LOSE WEIGHT. Its the simple science of it all. You want to know why so many people fail in losing weight? Its because of their inability to stick to a plan. I have heard so many people claim that they have "tried EVERYTHING and nothing works for me. I just can't lose weight." I firmly believe that this is the highest grade of bullsh*t. You want to know why you're really not losing weight? Its because you're making excuses, you're deviating from your plan, you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing. And I know its hard. TRUST ME, I know its hard. Losing 90lbs last time was no easy task.  Again, I KNOW its hard. But no one ever said that accomplishing something great, would be simple. If it was, then everyone would be doing it.

So in closing, yes, I have a physical obstacle very much in my way. But instead of choosing to stop dead in my tracks, I'm going to find a way around it and continue on. It won't be easy, and there will be many small failures, of that I am sure. But I'm also sure that I'm determined never to give up. Nope, not me. Not ever.


Saturday, January 19, 2013

The Weekend (Day 6 and 7 / 365)

Okay, so we were out of town late on Friday night (didn't get home until after 2am) and this is why there is no separate entry for Day 6.  Basically, I took Friday as my "Day Off" and unfortunately.....today....Saturday has turned into a rest day as well. No gym for two days and I already feel like a lazy slob.  I guess thats a good thing. And yes, I will definitely be going tomorrow - Sunday - just so I don't feel completely guilty for not doing much this weekend.  And I will make it a double day. Yes...I am that crazy.

I have some very exciting news! Looks like I will be meeting my New Year's goal of running a half marathon this year! My home town of Fort Myers, FL is holding their first annual Marathon/Half Marathon this November. I am not so ambitious as to sign up for the Marathon so I will be registering for the Half! I'm so excited! And I'm MORE than sure that I have plenty enough time to train for this. I have a total of 8 months. I really think I can do it.  And not only that, but I'm not going to enter this thing with any ideas of winning or placing within my age bracket, nope....I just want to finish. I don't care if it takes me 4 hours to complete the half marathon course, as long as I finish...thats all that matters to me. And I mean that.

I think its a good idea to have goals like these when you're trying to lose weight.  It tends to give you something to work towards. Sure, you can say that you're working towards a certain weight or size of pants, but that doesn't always keep you motivated.  But for me, when I spend this money and register for this race, its a solid commitment that I HAVE to go through with.  Therefore, each day that I even THINK about NOT getting my miles in for training, I will be able to sit back and think about how NOT running that day is not going to help me at all come race day.  And I really think that will keep me going. And after I do this half marathon, who knows? Maybe my goal for 2014 will be to run my first marathon! - Or.....maybe just another half....haha-

I'm also very eager to get started on this week.  Now that I'm done babysitting for my friend, I will have the ability to go to the gym every morning with the boys and then again at night.  I'm thinking that my plan will be to get my cardio in during the day then when I go back at night, I might try and hit up some classes.  I really want to do some classes that focus on core strength and just strength training in general.  I'll have to check the class schedule, but I'm sure I remember seeing some classes listed that focus on just that.  I also want to start getting back into Yoga. With my back problems that I have been having since I had Jonah, I think maybe doing some less-intense Yoga will help to loosen things up a bit. No, I won't be doing any crazy poses just yet, but I remember doing Yoga from time to time when I lived in New Jersey and I really did enjoy it. For anyone reading this who has not yet tried Yoga, let me tell you, its a lot more strenuous than you might think.

So, thats basically my weekend in a nutshell. Not much else going on. Just a couple of things I'm looking forward to accomplishing in the future. I hope everyone else is having a wonderful weekend and is staying on track.


Thursday, January 17, 2013

Husband Works Out (5/365)

As you may have guessed from my ever so witty title above. Rob came to the gym with me and the kids tonight! Every night that I go to the gym I always ask, "Are you coming with us?" Mainly because, if he opts to stay home, then I can leave little Jonah (which relieves some of my anxieties while working out. Yes, I'm still a little bit "new-mothery" when it comes to Jonah. He's only 2 and a half months!) Most of the time, Rob says, "Nah..." and so he stays home with Jonah so Jeremiah and I can go and enjoy our time at the gym. Well to be fair, Jeremiah runs around in a play center, plays games, and crawls through tunnel things while I "enjoy" the gym by working it out hard and sweating my butt off. Seriously, I sweat a lot. Like....A LOT! Okay, moving right along....so I asked Rob again tonight, "Hey, are you coming with us tonight?" and to my surprise he said, "Yeah, I think I should". HOLY CRAP! Thats a first. I can't even remember the last time that we worked out together! So off we went.

Actually, if I'm being completely accurate here, Rob and I have NEVER worked out next to each other. Nope. The other two times he's come with us to the gym - no, I'm not exaggerating, 2 times, thats it - he has always gone to the pool to swim laps. For the record, I HATE swimming laps. I'm a big fan of pools, yes I can swim, but swimming laps to me is SO BORING!!!! But then again, some people might consider running on a treadmill or using an elliptical machine as "boring". So, to each their own I suppose. But tonight, for whatever reason, he decided to just do whatever I did.

Wow. It was really weird working out next to him.  I was worried at first that I was gonna feel like a fat slob next to him. Let me be clear about something here: my husband is almost 6'1" and all of 175lbs.  He rarely works out and definitely doesn't have the healthiest of diets and yet, he never seems to gain any weight. I, on the other hand, can simply SMELL a donut and gain 2lbs. Yes, life is so cruel. Anyways, I was afraid that working out next to him would make me feel like a bit of a loser. But...IT DIDN'T! I simply zoned out, got into my playlist and let my legs do the work. As a side note: I feel the need to point out that when I switched to the elliptical machine (after running 2.46 miles on the treadmill), Rob couldn't handle it and had to move to the bikes.  Okay...well, maybe he was just super uncomfortable on the elliptical and didn't like the way it moves your body....but I like to pretend that he couldn't handle it. LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT. Yes, he simply couldn't be as awesome as me, thats exactly what happened.

All in all, it was a pretty great workout. Afterwords we had to make a stop at a couple stores, then it was home in time enough to catch Grey's Anatomy and clean up the house in preparation for a new day.

Interesting fact about me: I CANNOT go to bed with a messy house. It gives me weird anxiety and I MUST clean it. Does anyone else have this problem? I think I should see someone about this. Maybe? Nah.....maybe not.


Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Small Victories (4/365)

Well, today was not such a bad day with the kids. It was just an odd day when it comes to my motivations. But alas, I pushed through and made it to the end of the day where I am now sitting comfy on the couch, typing out my daily entry. I had a couple small victories tonight and I wanted to share them.

First of all, I put on a sports bra today when I was getting ready to go to the gym and it fit! Allow me to explain. I've noticed that many of my normal sports bras - which have been patiently waiting to be used since I was about oh.....6months pregnant - have been VERY tight. And not just the cup size, I'm talking the part that goes under the boob. What is that part called? Does anyone know? Well, for the purposes of tonight's entry, I'm gonna call it the Under-the-boob-strap.  So, the under-the-boob-strap on most of my sports bras have been so damn tight that getting them on is like conducting World War III in my bedroom every day. But not today! Today was the first day that I put on this bra and BAM! It fits! Sure, its still a bit snug, but there was little to no struggle to get it on and it didn't even constrict my breathing! YAY!!!! Hooray for small victories, right?

Secondly, I had a small victory in the department of "mind-over-matter", so to speak. Allow me to explain this as well. Rob got home from work at the usual time, I made dinner, cleaned the kitchen and was just sitting down to feed the baby when Rob gets a phone call from a family member who needed help with a computer that we gave them. Rob then made the very gallant decision to run out there and help them with the problem. For the record, "there" is about an hour away to the north of where we live.  So, this left me stuck at home with both kids and the only way to get my workout in, would be to pack up the baby, get Jeremiah ready, load up the car and get the kids to the gym in the childcare center and then I could start my 90minutes of "me time". Well, when I realized this, my first reaction - admittedly - was, screw this! I had a plethora of reasons NOT to go. Here, I'll list a few of them for you here:
- I'm tired
-My legs are a bit sore from previous workouts this week.
-Its getting late
-I'm not sure if the baby will do well in the child care center, they might have to interrupt my workout
-I really want to take a nap
-Oh! Look at that! Re-runs of my favorite show is on! DEFINITELY reason enough to stay home
.......yeah, I think you get the idea.

So, I laid down on the couch and started running through these things in my head. Before I knew it, I dosed off, only for about 15 minutes. I woke up and it was almost 7pm. So, I said....screw it....I'll just freaking go. And I did! I went through all that work: packed up the baby, got Jeremiah ready, loaded up the car, drove to the gym, unloaded the car, got the kids in the play center, got my belongings in a locker, and proceeded to enjoy a solid 60minutes of workout time. And.....it felt pretty damn good. But you know what feels better? Being able to sit here and say that I kicked my own ass into gear tonight. Somewhere, in this scrambled brain of mine, things are starting to get back to how they used to be. Instead of making excuses NOT to work out, I'm finding reasons TO GO workout. Instead of heading for the ice cream on a difficult day, I head for the door with my running shoes in hand. THIS is the stuff that weight loss dreams are made of.

No, I'm not perfect. I still stumble and fall every.single.day. But what really matters is that I pick myself back up, and resolve to continue trying. And to me, THAT is what really matters.


Feeling Better (3/365)

*For the record: I know this post is going up on Day 4 and it seems as though I skipped a day already, but I did not. I had this post all typed out and was going to hit 'publish' but I got side tracked and TOTALLY forgot to post it before I went to sleep last night. Therefore, I DID write on Day 3, just didn't click a freakin' button. GET OFF MY CASE! (kthanks!)*

I'm starting to feel a bit better about this whole "weight loss" idea. For a while there in the very beginning, I was working on it, failing, then giving up. Then trying again, working, failing, giving up. The vicious cycle goes on and on. You all know how that goes. But finally, I just resolved to seriously suck it up and just stick to a plan. I think thats the real problem with many people - including myself! - when it comes to losing weight. Too often, so many people whine that they have tried all the diets and they've tried working out and that NOTHING works for them. I simply do not believe this. The REAL problem is that they are unable to stick to a program TRUTHFULLY for an extended period of time. Why did I emphasize the word "truthfully"? Because if you are not 100% committed to a weight loss program and you tend to slip up here or there, then you can expect that your weight loss will not be 100% there. You may gain here or there, if you cheat here or there. Does that make sense? Basically, what I'm saying is that if you stick to ANY program, no matter WHAT it is, you WILL lose weight. Its just the science of it all. Now, it may not be sustainable weight loss, but you WILL lose for the time being.

I have been on track for the past 4 days. Counting my calories, working out at least once a day without fail, and not eating after 8pm - for those of you wondering, this is my "weight loss plan" in so many words - and guess what? I'm seeing results! Now, I'm not going to announce my loss for the week yet because I don't want to get too cocky here, but just know that I'm getting results and thats what matters.

So thats it, just a little something I wanted to share today. Hey, as I said in the beginning, these entries may not be very exciting, but hey....its MY online journal. So DEAL WITH IT. (Sorry, thats my passive-aggressive-ness rearing its ulgy head. haha)

Monday, January 14, 2013

Dealing With Stress (2/365)

What a day. Oh lord, what a day! I swear it was as if someone fed my son ( the 3yr old) a bowl of cocaine for breakfast! Seriously! He was running around, screaming, jumping, throwing, you name it, he did it. Its funny too because - and I'm not lying here- he's usually pretty well behaved. He's normally very content just sitting quietly and watching a cartoon or movie or whatever. But not today! He was an absolute terror!!! Needless to say, time outs were given repeatedly and along with constant scolding. And now? He's passed out on the couch next to me. Go figure!

So, I was babysitting today for my friend and also dealing with my terrorist son AND my 2 month old. Needless to say, I was stressed out to the max.  And then, something miraculous happened. Instead of turning to a chocolate bar, or cheese puffs, or the left over pasta in the fridge, I turned my attention to working out. In the middle of all this childcare chaos, I was longing to get to the gym as quickly as possibly. Somewhere inside of me - a place that has not been ignited or recognized for quite some time now - there was a burning need to just run and sweat and get lost in my playlist for an hour or so. I simply NEEDED that "Me Time". And that leads me to my topic for tonight's entry:

Dealing With Stress

People deal with stress in a number of different ways. Some people smoke cigarettes.  I used to do this! Then I got pregnant with Jeremiah and realized it was a good time to kick the habit for good. Some people turn to food.  I used to do this too! And admittedly still do from time to time, although I'm working on this. And some other people turn to exercise.  I USED to do this as well and I'm working on getting back to doing this. 

During my last weight loss journey, I realized that running was such a great stress reliever.  It gave me ample amounts of time to myself where I could just put one foot in front of the other, seemingly mindlessly, and think about things without being interrupted. And this is actually how I still see exercise. Not only is it good for me, not only is it helping me to lose weight, not only is it getting me closer to my goals, but it is ALSO a time for me to just turn my mind off and do what I do, without really thinking.

This is why I LOVE going to a gym. I love having this time period where I can leave my children in a safe environment, knowing they are well looked after, and I can just do whatever the hell I want to for an hour or so, without someone screaming at me to get them juice, or wipe off a table, or make them something to eat. Its a time where I can totally zone out, and as a mother of two boys under the age of 5, you don't often get a lot of opportunities to zone out during your day. 

So, for those of you out there who claim to HATE working out, think of it in the way that I have described above.  Think of it not as work that HAS to be done, but think of it as an opportunity to just do you. I don't care if you simply get on a treadmill and walk at a glacial pace for 20 minutes. Hey, its better than sitting on the couch and stuffing your face with potato chips, right? Instead of making physical activity seem like a job or a chore, make it seem like a treat or an escape from your day to day life. I promise if you do this, you will begin to love your work out time.  And not only that, but you will learn to RELY on it. And THEN you can be sure that you will continue it for a lifetime.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Beginning Again....

Its January. Its 2013. Don't you think its high time I get this thing going again already? I do.

So, here's what I'm thinking: I want to get back to blogging and I'm thinking about doing it daily. They might not be very long or particularly interesting. But I would like to treat this blog as if it were my diary of sorts. Not all my entries may be about weight loss (although, many of them will be as that is my main purpose here in the blogging world, losing weight.) some entries may just be about life in general and what I'm dealing with as my life has changed quite a bit since giving birth. I'm definitely not able to do a video everyday, but I do think I'm pretty capable of sitting down at my computer and typing each day and its something I'm going to commit to. So...starting today, my goal is to have 365 days of blogging. (lol) What a rather lofty goal, eh? And yes, I am aware that I'm beginning this on the 13th of January and NOT on the first. I guess I'll just continue until the 13th of NEXT year then. How do ya like that? So, in light of this new plan of mine...lets get down to business, shall we?

Whats been going on:

Well, I had my son (Jonah) on October 28th 2012. He is currently 2months old and already 16 POUNDS!!!! (I say this in shock because many people have 1yr olds who are 16lbs! lol, Needless to say, Jonah's nickname around our house is, "The Tank"). Unfortunately, during the birthing process I suffered a few complications which I'm afraid have left their mark on my for a lifetime. Mainly, lower back pain. I received an epidural for the pain and it went horribly wrong. I won't get into any real details (don't want to bore you) but it is my opinion that the woman who administered the epidural (which if you didn't know, an epidural is when they put a 6inch needle into your spinal area and inject pain killers to numb you from the pain) was significantly incompetent and she permanently damaged some nerves in my back. Every morning I get up, I have such bad lower back pain that I cannot fully bend over or even walk with my back straight. I even have trouble picking up my little Jonah.  The pain does get better throughout the day and even disappears, but it will re-appear late at night. As I said, I'm afraid that this is something I'm simply going to have to live with. I'm hoping that it won't interfere too much with my weight loss endeavors this time around.

This past December I decided it was about time I got off my butt and got back to working out.  Mainly because I had made it to my 6week recovery period after giving birth and as a Birthday present to myself (my bday is Dec. 8th) I asked Rob for a membership to the local YMCA. I started to go to the gym regularly for about 2 weeks, then when the holidays came and with them, I went down to Fort Myers, FL (2 hrs south of my current location) to visit with my family and friends for the holidays. I was there for about 2 weeks or so and I did not watch what I ate and I did NOT exercise.

Now this leads me to the present time. We are currently in the new year and I STILL have not got my act together. I will admit, I have made significant changes to my day-to-day diet and I even track here or there. But, the motivation is simply lacking. Also, I'm unable to get to the gym in the mornings right now because I am babysitting for a friend and have been for a week.  My car does not have enough room to fit a car seat for her daughter as well as my boys'....so I'm stuck at home with them all day. And I will admit that after she picks up her daughter for the day and I get dinner ready, clean the kitchen and clean up the house from the day's mayhem of child care, I'm pretty darn pooped out. And I rarely make it to the gym at night. My last day of babysitting is this Friday.  My "plan" for this week is to get up early before Rob leaves for work in the morning and before my friend gets here with her daughter, and try to go for a short run. A very very very VERY short run. I'm talking, maybe just 10minutes or so. Then I will go to the gym at night after everything is said and done for the day. Its the best I can do for now. And sometimes, thats just okay.

I can't sit here and type out that I have any really grand ideas of huge successes this year. I CAN tell you that I want to run a half marathon within this year.  I also want to make it simply back to my pre-pregnancy weight (which is roughly 40lbs to lose in order to get there), and I want to get a job using my Paralegal Degree within this year. Thats it. No real "resolutions" this year. I'm simply stating the things I'm planning on doing. I've begun to stop with the New Years Resolutions. I never really do them. Isn't that funny? I think MOST people can agree with me on this one.  I would go as far to say that probably about 80% of all New Year's Resolutions are not completed or accomplished each year. And thats okay too. Thats life.

So, thats it for now. I'll be back tomorrow with another NAIL BITING entry (hahaha - enjoy that sarcasm? Get used to it!)