Fun-Filled Saturday (14/365)

OK. I am aware of the fact that it is Sunday morning and I'm making my entry for Saturday. But it still counts. Why? BECAUSE I SAY SO! And this is MY blog, so I get to make the rules. Deal with it. Alright then, moving right along.

Yesterday was a pretty good day.  I started the day out with a nice 2.5 mile jog along the bridge that leads over to Clearwater beach. It was actually really nice. I sweat like a freaking pig and today I'm noticing that I may have gotten a very slight sunburn on my face, nothing painful or anything, I just notice that my face feels a bit tight and that usually means you got a bit of sun. I didn't have a respectable running time or anything on my run out there, but it just felt good to be outside, in a beautiful area, and doing something that I love, running. Yes, I did have to walk a bit here and there, but I'm still working on getting back into running shape. Actually, speaking of that, I've decided to enter into a 5k race in March with my best friend. Its called the Color Vibe Run - or something like that - its where they throw packets of color on you as you run and you end the race looking like a disgruntled smirf. But I think it sounds like a lot of fun.  Race Day is on March 16th, so it is my goal to get in shape enough that I'll be able to run the entire 3.1 miles without stopping. I don't care if it takes me 45minutes at an extremely slow pace, but I just want to go the distance without stopping and having to walk.

So, after my awesome outdoor run, I came home, showered and then we decided to head into Tampa to our favorite Sushi restaurant. And oh man. It was awesome. Then I heard from a friend that it was Gasparilla weekend there in Tampa. I totally forgot about it! So we decided to swing by and check it out. After driving around for 35 minutes we FINALLY found some inexpensive parking and hiked it down to the parade. For those of you who don't know, Gasparilla is a celebration of Pirates - I think- where everyone is dressed up like Pirates and they get really drunk, act really stupid and generally have a good time. LOL There's a parade with all these Pirate themed floats and they throw beads at you.  Jeremiah got a ton of beads just from people that walked past us, they said he was "so cute" and they would give him a handful of beads to wear. He's running around the house playing with those beads as I sit here typing.

After we had had enough fun there at Gasparilla, we headed to the next town over and went to Tropical Smoothie Cafe. It was AWESOME! I've never had a Tropical Smoothie before and it was really good! I think I'll go there again!

So, after my fun filled day yesterday, I've decided to take a bit of a rest day today.

Placement on map is approximate

 

Just Say No... (13/365)

Yep, thats right folks. Just Say No! hahaha

Thats what I did tonight. Rob came home from work with a big old bag of tortilla chips and two jars of Chi-Chi's Salsa.  Now, normally I would have dived into those chips and salsa and probably munched on almost half a day's worth of calories. But as it happens, I was in the middle of preparing our dinner when he came home and I had a nice full glass of water next to me while cooking. So when he said, "You want some?" It was pretty easy for me to simply pick up my glass of water, take a big swig and say, "Nope. I'm good". Yep, I'm good. Thats for sure!

Its small things like this that make up a HUGE difference in the end. Just think about that.  Have you ever seen that commercial where a woman is talking about leaving a little bit of food on your plate after each meal and think of how much that would add up to.  Its a really old commercial, so maybe you haven't seen it.  But that commercial has always stuck with me. I try to remember it when I feel like lapping down my entire plate full of food even when I'm no longer hungry.  Just think. What if you left a quarter of your plate of food there each time you eat.  In a day, it would surely add up to almost an entire meal's worth of calories that you skipped out on. And that can be a great thing because most of the time our meals have much too many calories as it is. 

I did pretty well today.  We went to the gym this morning and I was GOING to go tonight....but then Rob fell asleep - which is not out of the ordinary- and the baby was still asleep so I didn't feel comfortable leaving the house if Rob wasn't awake to hear if the baby woke up to be fed. So, I stayed. But I'm excited for tomorrow morning! I'm thinking of getting out really early and going for a run on the beach.  The beach is only about a 5minute drive from my house and there is a really nice running/biking path right next to the bridge that goes over to the beach. I think it would be a great and fun workout! I might just wait til Jonah wakes me up in the morning to feed him (usually around 5am or 6am) and then get ready and go after he falls back asleep. Then I'm thinking of going back to the gym tomorrow afternoon for some strength training.

I gotta say, I'm really loving this motivation I'm having right now and I'm taking advantage of it. We all know that days of great motivation like these do not always happen when you're trying to get healthy and lose weight. So, I better make the most of them while the motivation is still there. Happy Friday night to everyone!

Goodnight!

A Good Day (12/365)

Well, its Thursday and yes, its been a good day. Despite the fact that I could not go to the gym this morning, I still pushed myself to get off my butt at 7pm this evening and get out there and go to the gym.

Have you ever heard that the hardest part of working out is getting yourself to the gym? Or simply getting yourself out the door? Well, I firmly believe this to be 100% true.  At least with me it is. See, when I'm sitting at home, merely thinking about going, all these things run through my head. I start to think of how tired I am, I start to think of all the excuses of why I can't go - which are really just reasons that back up my inherent will to not go - but somehow, I manage to get myself up and out the door and you know what? When I get there, it doesn't feel so bad! I get on a machine and I start going and it seems like the work is almost doing itself.  Well, almost. haha

My problem has always been going to the gym at night. In the mornings, its not so difficult. I'm not really doing anything else, so I just get dressed, get the kids packed up and then hit the road. During the day, going to workout just feels like something I can do to fill my day - yes, I really am THAT bored at home all day - but in the evenings, going to the gym just feels like a chore.

So, today was a good day. I got to the gym and I feel better for it. I have to keep working on this though.  I don't want it to feel like such a chore in the future. So the more I do it, the more my body and my mind will get used to it and I will learn to rely on it.

Jam Packed Day (11/365)

Lets just start off by saying this: I. Am. Tired. Thats it.

I rarely ever take naps during the day or early evening.  Yet for the past two days I have felt so overly tired that I needed to take a nap for an hour or so in the early evening.  What is going on? Well, I think it could be a couple of things. For one, Jonah is still not sleeping completely through the night yet.  He gets up every morning at either 4am or 5am, at which point I feed him and go straight back to sleep.  Also, I'm not really going to sleep at a great time to get the optimum amount of sleep. I think I should start going to bed by 10 or 11pm at the latest. Lately I have been going to bed at midnight or close to 1am. Thats not very good for getting enough sleep. And just a quick fun fact: Getting adequate sleep and rest is CRITICAL to weight loss.  I think this is why its so hard for me to shed pounds quickly because I'm not always getting the right amount of sleep each night.  And sometimes Its impossible because I'm still dealing with a newborn, who does not have a set schedule yet, but we're getting there.

On another note, I had my interview today at a Law Firm! It was very exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. Man, these attorneys are very good at their poker faces.  They were very good at not letting me know if they liked me or not. I felt like the interview went very well though...but sometimes that doesn't mean much. Ugh, I don't know. If I don't get it then oh well. I can just stay home a bit longer and wait to go job hunting until Jonah is a bit older. This was an opportunity that just kind of jumped up and presented itself to me out of the blue so I jumped on it. We'll see what comes of it.

But in regards to going back to work. I'm continually trying to imagine what life and weight loss will be like when I'm working 8-10hours a day.  I mean, when you come home, even from an office job, you're exhausted! I will need to work on motivation and finding time to workout. Like today for example, I had to get up, get ready, get the kids ready, drive them to the sitter, drive out to the interview and then come back, and THAT wiped me out. Yes, I took another nap this evening. And no, I have not gone to the gym today. UGH! I HATE it when I don't go to the gym.  Makes me feel like I'm being wasteful of our money since we're paying for it.

Either way, I'm sure I'll figure it out. It just takes time. Time and patience.

Goodnight!

I Forgot! (10/365)

Did you ever forget? I did! It happened to me. Yes, I forgot to write an entry for Day 10...so I'm writing about Day 10 on Day 11. Yeah....get off my case about it.

Yesterday (Tuesday) was actually a very good day.  I got to the gym in the morning, had an AMAZING workout then I went to pick J and Jonah p from the child care center. Yeah. Not so good. Jeremiah had a problem with his "Potty Mouth" as the lady put it. He was telling people to shut up and calling other kids stupid and stinky heads. Oh man. That sucks. To get a report like that, it just makes you feel like you're doing something wrong as a parent. But I know I'm not, especially because there is no proven "right way" to parent your children. We just do our very best and thats that.

That situation above is probably why I forgot to write my entry last night.  I was dealing with an unruly 3yr old who did NOT want to be taught a lesson of how he should and should not act when in a public place with other little children. Yes, we battled last night and I was freaking tired! Also, I got a phone call yesterday afternoon to schedule an interview with a Law Firm in an area close to where I live! So, I was kind of preoccupied with preparing for that interview.

Anyway, no real "epiphanies" for Day 10...not that I've ever really had a profound epiphany. LOL

Executive Decision (9/365)

Today, I made a very important decision.  An "Executive Decision" if you will. I made the decision to sit on my ass. And no, I'm not happy about it.

FOR THE RECORD: I was NOT willing to sit at home for yet another day. Nope, I was all ready and willing to pack the kids up and head to the gym at 4pm today. Then, reality set in.  Reality in this case, came in the form of my husband. See, he had the day off from work today and I invited him to come with us to the gym. He asked how my back was feeling today and I told him, honestly, that it was not at 100%.  Basically, the sharp pains that I had in my back yesterday are gone, but what is left is the feeling of sore muscles. I liken it to the same feeling you get in your abs when you do a lot of sit-ups or crunches and the next day you feel a bit sore in that area.  Well, thats how my lower back muscles felt today. From what I can gather, I think these muscles are sore because they were working so hard to compensate for the awkward way I had to walk and move all day yesterday due to the sharp pains I was having. So, after I answered him I realized that going to the gym with the intention of working out pretty hard when your body is not feeling particularly normal, probably isn't a great idea.

And I HATED IT. All day long I felt like a big old lazy loser. Ya know what it felt like to me? It felt like I was just making yet another excuse as to why I just couldn't find the time or ability to workout today.  This is just another reason why I'm so angry that this happened to me.  If it hadn't of been for that stupid epidural I would be back up and running - literally- just like I used to. But again, I have to take my own words from last night's entry and live by them. This is life. We can't help the situations that happen to us and you can't go back in time to do things differently - if I could, I would go back and have an all natural birth - so I'm just going to get a good night's sleep tonight and resolve to try my best again tomorrow. I AM going to the gym tomorrow. If I find that my back is still sore, then I'll take it extremely easy and maybe just walk the entire time on the treadmill, but if I'm feeling a lot more normal (cross your fingers, arms and toes for me) then I'll hit it hard like I normally do.

I have a feeling that this is how its going to be for me from here on out. I'll have some good days where everything is fine, and then I'll have some bad days where I'm in pain and there's just nothing I can do about that, except learn how to deal with it.

Yes, I'm feeling a little down...but determined to pick myself back up and try, try, try again. Goodnight.

Facing Obstacles (8/365)

Yes, as you may have guessed from the title, I'm having some difficulties lately. And by lately, I mean all day today. See, Friday I decided I would take the day off from the gym so I could give my muscles some time to rest.  Then we ended up being out very late on Friday into Saturday. And it just so happens that Saturday was my "Mommy's Day Off" where I left the house for a few hours and just did things for me. I meant to go to the gym that day, however I got sidetracked while I was out enjoying myself and I lost track of time, therefore by the time I got home it was a bit too late to be going to the gym. So that brings me to today, Sunday. Today I had every intention of going to the gym in the morning and then going for an outdoor run this afternoon around my neighborhood. Well, that didn't happen. Why didn't it happen? Obstacles. Thats why.

As I may have mentioned previously, I suffered some complications from the epidural I received during the birth of Jonah.  I had severe head, neck and back pain for days on end after I got home from the hospital. I got better - obviously - however, I still have lower back problems from time to time. Usually every morning when I get up, my lower back feels pretty weak, so weak in fact that its even difficult to pick Jonah up from his crib without experiencing some pain in my back. Well, today was a very odd day for me because I woke up with little to no back pain - which was great! - then all of a sudden I got up from the couch to get another cup of coffee and it was as if someone was holding a knife in my lower back. I had to have my back brace on all day and an icy hot medicated patch as well.  THIS is the obstacle I am forced to have to face.  I also think that this back pain is going to hold me back from reaching a lot of the physical goals I have when it comes to fitness.  I still think I'll be able to lose the weight, but I'm not sure if I'll really be able to run long distances like I want to. And I'm not sure that this pain will ever really go away.

But you know what? Thats life. You can complain, and bitch and moan about it. Or, you can accept it, work with it and refuse to let it get you down. I'm working on the latter. I mean, I'm not entirely "accepting" of the situation I'm in and I may or may not be seeking legal representation to bring suit against the hospital for their negligence, but other than that, I just have to learn to work around it. There are NO excuses. What I mean is this: simply because I'm experiencing back pain, does that give me the excuse to eat unhealthy foods and sit on my butt all day? No. It doesn't. I can always eat healthier foods, and if running or even walking isn't in the cards for me in my future due to my back problems, guess what IS in the cards then? Swimming! Swimming is a great exercise and you're virtually weightless during it, therefore it puts little to now strain on my back. THIS is what I mean by making no excuses. 

Everyday, you can find a million reasons NOT to do what you know you really need to do. This goes for more than just weight loss.  I am continually annoyed with those who whine and complain about not being able to get their lives organized or get their list of things done for the day. I have never understood this. I have always been a very determined person.  If there is something I know I need to get done, I do it and thats that. If I don't get it done, there's no use complaining or whining about it because I am the reason it didn't get done. My laziness or poor organization is the reason it didn't get done. So, I continually choose to kick my own ass and MAKE myself do what I need to do, day in and day out.

In regards to weight loss, I will say this. The moment that I decided to stop making any and all excuses when it came to healthy eating and working out, THAT is when I finally had my greatest successes with weight loss. I'm continuing with this mentality this time around as well, because I know it works. Think of it this way: I don't care what path you choose in order to lose weight and get healthy - i.e. counting calories, weight watchers, hcg, south beach diet, sensa, etc, etc, etc - if you set out determined and focused and you follow these plans, YOU WILL LOSE WEIGHT. Its the simple science of it all. You want to know why so many people fail in losing weight? Its because of their inability to stick to a plan. I have heard so many people claim that they have "tried EVERYTHING and nothing works for me. I just can't lose weight." I firmly believe that this is the highest grade of bullsh*t. You want to know why you're really not losing weight? Its because you're making excuses, you're deviating from your plan, you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing. And I know its hard. TRUST ME, I know its hard. Losing 90lbs last time was no easy task.  Again, I KNOW its hard. But no one ever said that accomplishing something great, would be simple. If it was, then everyone would be doing it.

So in closing, yes, I have a physical obstacle very much in my way. But instead of choosing to stop dead in my tracks, I'm going to find a way around it and continue on. It won't be easy, and there will be many small failures, of that I am sure. But I'm also sure that I'm determined never to give up. Nope, not me. Not ever.

Goodnight!

The Weekend (Day 6 and 7 / 365)

Okay, so we were out of town late on Friday night (didn't get home until after 2am) and this is why there is no separate entry for Day 6.  Basically, I took Friday as my "Day Off" and unfortunately.....today....Saturday has turned into a rest day as well. No gym for two days and I already feel like a lazy slob.  I guess thats a good thing. And yes, I will definitely be going tomorrow - Sunday - just so I don't feel completely guilty for not doing much this weekend.  And I will make it a double day. Yes...I am that crazy.

I have some very exciting news! Looks like I will be meeting my New Year's goal of running a half marathon this year! My home town of Fort Myers, FL is holding their first annual Marathon/Half Marathon this November. I am not so ambitious as to sign up for the Marathon so I will be registering for the Half! I'm so excited! And I'm MORE than sure that I have plenty enough time to train for this. I have a total of 8 months. I really think I can do it.  And not only that, but I'm not going to enter this thing with any ideas of winning or placing within my age bracket, nope....I just want to finish. I don't care if it takes me 4 hours to complete the half marathon course, as long as I finish...thats all that matters to me. And I mean that.

I think its a good idea to have goals like these when you're trying to lose weight.  It tends to give you something to work towards. Sure, you can say that you're working towards a certain weight or size of pants, but that doesn't always keep you motivated.  But for me, when I spend this money and register for this race, its a solid commitment that I HAVE to go through with.  Therefore, each day that I even THINK about NOT getting my miles in for training, I will be able to sit back and think about how NOT running that day is not going to help me at all come race day.  And I really think that will keep me going. And after I do this half marathon, who knows? Maybe my goal for 2014 will be to run my first marathon! - Or.....maybe just another half....haha-

I'm also very eager to get started on this week.  Now that I'm done babysitting for my friend, I will have the ability to go to the gym every morning with the boys and then again at night.  I'm thinking that my plan will be to get my cardio in during the day then when I go back at night, I might try and hit up some classes.  I really want to do some classes that focus on core strength and just strength training in general.  I'll have to check the class schedule, but I'm sure I remember seeing some classes listed that focus on just that.  I also want to start getting back into Yoga. With my back problems that I have been having since I had Jonah, I think maybe doing some less-intense Yoga will help to loosen things up a bit. No, I won't be doing any crazy poses just yet, but I remember doing Yoga from time to time when I lived in New Jersey and I really did enjoy it. For anyone reading this who has not yet tried Yoga, let me tell you, its a lot more strenuous than you might think.

So, thats basically my weekend in a nutshell. Not much else going on. Just a couple of things I'm looking forward to accomplishing in the future. I hope everyone else is having a wonderful weekend and is staying on track.

Goodnight!

Husband Works Out (5/365)

As you may have guessed from my ever so witty title above. Rob came to the gym with me and the kids tonight! Every night that I go to the gym I always ask, "Are you coming with us?" Mainly because, if he opts to stay home, then I can leave little Jonah (which relieves some of my anxieties while working out. Yes, I'm still a little bit "new-mothery" when it comes to Jonah. He's only 2 and a half months!) Most of the time, Rob says, "Nah..." and so he stays home with Jonah so Jeremiah and I can go and enjoy our time at the gym. Well to be fair, Jeremiah runs around in a play center, plays games, and crawls through tunnel things while I "enjoy" the gym by working it out hard and sweating my butt off. Seriously, I sweat a lot. Like....A LOT! Okay, moving right along....so I asked Rob again tonight, "Hey, are you coming with us tonight?" and to my surprise he said, "Yeah, I think I should". HOLY CRAP! Thats a first. I can't even remember the last time that we worked out together! So off we went.

Actually, if I'm being completely accurate here, Rob and I have NEVER worked out next to each other. Nope. The other two times he's come with us to the gym - no, I'm not exaggerating, 2 times, thats it - he has always gone to the pool to swim laps. For the record, I HATE swimming laps. I'm a big fan of pools, yes I can swim, but swimming laps to me is SO BORING!!!! But then again, some people might consider running on a treadmill or using an elliptical machine as "boring". So, to each their own I suppose. But tonight, for whatever reason, he decided to just do whatever I did.

Wow. It was really weird working out next to him.  I was worried at first that I was gonna feel like a fat slob next to him. Let me be clear about something here: my husband is almost 6'1" and all of 175lbs.  He rarely works out and definitely doesn't have the healthiest of diets and yet, he never seems to gain any weight. I, on the other hand, can simply SMELL a donut and gain 2lbs. Yes, life is so cruel. Anyways, I was afraid that working out next to him would make me feel like a bit of a loser. But...IT DIDN'T! I simply zoned out, got into my playlist and let my legs do the work. As a side note: I feel the need to point out that when I switched to the elliptical machine (after running 2.46 miles on the treadmill), Rob couldn't handle it and had to move to the bikes.  Okay...well, maybe he was just super uncomfortable on the elliptical and didn't like the way it moves your body....but I like to pretend that he couldn't handle it. LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT. Yes, he simply couldn't be as awesome as me, thats exactly what happened.

All in all, it was a pretty great workout. Afterwords we had to make a stop at a couple stores, then it was home in time enough to catch Grey's Anatomy and clean up the house in preparation for a new day.

Interesting fact about me: I CANNOT go to bed with a messy house. It gives me weird anxiety and I MUST clean it. Does anyone else have this problem? I think I should see someone about this. Maybe? Nah.....maybe not.

Goodnight!

Small Victories (4/365)

Well, today was not such a bad day with the kids. It was just an odd day when it comes to my motivations. But alas, I pushed through and made it to the end of the day where I am now sitting comfy on the couch, typing out my daily entry. I had a couple small victories tonight and I wanted to share them.

First of all, I put on a sports bra today when I was getting ready to go to the gym and it fit! Allow me to explain. I've noticed that many of my normal sports bras - which have been patiently waiting to be used since I was about oh.....6months pregnant - have been VERY tight. And not just the cup size, I'm talking the part that goes under the boob. What is that part called? Does anyone know? Well, for the purposes of tonight's entry, I'm gonna call it the Under-the-boob-strap.  So, the under-the-boob-strap on most of my sports bras have been so damn tight that getting them on is like conducting World War III in my bedroom every day. But not today! Today was the first day that I put on this bra and BAM! It fits! Sure, its still a bit snug, but there was little to no struggle to get it on and it didn't even constrict my breathing! YAY!!!! Hooray for small victories, right?

Secondly, I had a small victory in the department of "mind-over-matter", so to speak. Allow me to explain this as well. Rob got home from work at the usual time, I made dinner, cleaned the kitchen and was just sitting down to feed the baby when Rob gets a phone call from a family member who needed help with a computer that we gave them. Rob then made the very gallant decision to run out there and help them with the problem. For the record, "there" is about an hour away to the north of where we live.  So, this left me stuck at home with both kids and the only way to get my workout in, would be to pack up the baby, get Jeremiah ready, load up the car and get the kids to the gym in the childcare center and then I could start my 90minutes of "me time". Well, when I realized this, my first reaction - admittedly - was, screw this! I had a plethora of reasons NOT to go. Here, I'll list a few of them for you here:
- I'm tired
-My legs are a bit sore from previous workouts this week.
-Its getting late
-I'm not sure if the baby will do well in the child care center, they might have to interrupt my workout
-I really want to take a nap
-Oh! Look at that! Re-runs of my favorite show is on! DEFINITELY reason enough to stay home
.......yeah, I think you get the idea.

So, I laid down on the couch and started running through these things in my head. Before I knew it, I dosed off, only for about 15 minutes. I woke up and it was almost 7pm. So, I said....screw it....I'll just freaking go. And I did! I went through all that work: packed up the baby, got Jeremiah ready, loaded up the car, drove to the gym, unloaded the car, got the kids in the play center, got my belongings in a locker, and proceeded to enjoy a solid 60minutes of workout time. And.....it felt pretty damn good. But you know what feels better? Being able to sit here and say that I kicked my own ass into gear tonight. Somewhere, in this scrambled brain of mine, things are starting to get back to how they used to be. Instead of making excuses NOT to work out, I'm finding reasons TO GO workout. Instead of heading for the ice cream on a difficult day, I head for the door with my running shoes in hand. THIS is the stuff that weight loss dreams are made of.

No, I'm not perfect. I still stumble and fall every.single.day. But what really matters is that I pick myself back up, and resolve to continue trying. And to me, THAT is what really matters.

Goodnight!

Feeling Better (3/365)

*For the record: I know this post is going up on Day 4 and it seems as though I skipped a day already, but I did not. I had this post all typed out and was going to hit 'publish' but I got side tracked and TOTALLY forgot to post it before I went to sleep last night. Therefore, I DID write on Day 3, just didn't click a freakin' button. GET OFF MY CASE! (kthanks!)*

I'm starting to feel a bit better about this whole "weight loss" idea. For a while there in the very beginning, I was working on it, failing, then giving up. Then trying again, working, failing, giving up. The vicious cycle goes on and on. You all know how that goes. But finally, I just resolved to seriously suck it up and just stick to a plan. I think thats the real problem with many people - including myself! - when it comes to losing weight. Too often, so many people whine that they have tried all the diets and they've tried working out and that NOTHING works for them. I simply do not believe this. The REAL problem is that they are unable to stick to a program TRUTHFULLY for an extended period of time. Why did I emphasize the word "truthfully"? Because if you are not 100% committed to a weight loss program and you tend to slip up here or there, then you can expect that your weight loss will not be 100% there. You may gain here or there, if you cheat here or there. Does that make sense? Basically, what I'm saying is that if you stick to ANY program, no matter WHAT it is, you WILL lose weight. Its just the science of it all. Now, it may not be sustainable weight loss, but you WILL lose for the time being.

I have been on track for the past 4 days. Counting my calories, working out at least once a day without fail, and not eating after 8pm - for those of you wondering, this is my "weight loss plan" in so many words - and guess what? I'm seeing results! Now, I'm not going to announce my loss for the week yet because I don't want to get too cocky here, but just know that I'm getting results and thats what matters.

So thats it, just a little something I wanted to share today. Hey, as I said in the beginning, these entries may not be very exciting, but hey....its MY online journal. So DEAL WITH IT. (Sorry, thats my passive-aggressive-ness rearing its ulgy head. haha)

Dealing With Stress (2/365)

What a day. Oh lord, what a day! I swear it was as if someone fed my son ( the 3yr old) a bowl of cocaine for breakfast! Seriously! He was running around, screaming, jumping, throwing, you name it, he did it. Its funny too because - and I'm not lying here- he's usually pretty well behaved. He's normally very content just sitting quietly and watching a cartoon or movie or whatever. But not today! He was an absolute terror!!! Needless to say, time outs were given repeatedly and along with constant scolding. And now? He's passed out on the couch next to me. Go figure!

So, I was babysitting today for my friend and also dealing with my terrorist son AND my 2 month old. Needless to say, I was stressed out to the max.  And then, something miraculous happened. Instead of turning to a chocolate bar, or cheese puffs, or the left over pasta in the fridge, I turned my attention to working out. In the middle of all this childcare chaos, I was longing to get to the gym as quickly as possibly. Somewhere inside of me - a place that has not been ignited or recognized for quite some time now - there was a burning need to just run and sweat and get lost in my playlist for an hour or so. I simply NEEDED that "Me Time". And that leads me to my topic for tonight's entry:

Dealing With Stress

People deal with stress in a number of different ways. Some people smoke cigarettes.  I used to do this! Then I got pregnant with Jeremiah and realized it was a good time to kick the habit for good. Some people turn to food.  I used to do this too! And admittedly still do from time to time, although I'm working on this. And some other people turn to exercise.  I USED to do this as well and I'm working on getting back to doing this. 

During my last weight loss journey, I realized that running was such a great stress reliever.  It gave me ample amounts of time to myself where I could just put one foot in front of the other, seemingly mindlessly, and think about things without being interrupted. And this is actually how I still see exercise. Not only is it good for me, not only is it helping me to lose weight, not only is it getting me closer to my goals, but it is ALSO a time for me to just turn my mind off and do what I do, without really thinking.

This is why I LOVE going to a gym. I love having this time period where I can leave my children in a safe environment, knowing they are well looked after, and I can just do whatever the hell I want to for an hour or so, without someone screaming at me to get them juice, or wipe off a table, or make them something to eat. Its a time where I can totally zone out, and as a mother of two boys under the age of 5, you don't often get a lot of opportunities to zone out during your day. 

So, for those of you out there who claim to HATE working out, think of it in the way that I have described above.  Think of it not as work that HAS to be done, but think of it as an opportunity to just do you. I don't care if you simply get on a treadmill and walk at a glacial pace for 20 minutes. Hey, its better than sitting on the couch and stuffing your face with potato chips, right? Instead of making physical activity seem like a job or a chore, make it seem like a treat or an escape from your day to day life. I promise if you do this, you will begin to love your work out time.  And not only that, but you will learn to RELY on it. And THEN you can be sure that you will continue it for a lifetime.

Beginning Again....

Its January. Its 2013. Don't you think its high time I get this thing going again already? I do.

So, here's what I'm thinking: I want to get back to blogging and I'm thinking about doing it daily. They might not be very long or particularly interesting. But I would like to treat this blog as if it were my diary of sorts. Not all my entries may be about weight loss (although, many of them will be as that is my main purpose here in the blogging world, losing weight.) some entries may just be about life in general and what I'm dealing with as my life has changed quite a bit since giving birth. I'm definitely not able to do a video everyday, but I do think I'm pretty capable of sitting down at my computer and typing each day and its something I'm going to commit to. So...starting today, my goal is to have 365 days of blogging. (lol) What a rather lofty goal, eh? And yes, I am aware that I'm beginning this on the 13th of January and NOT on the first. I guess I'll just continue until the 13th of NEXT year then. How do ya like that? So, in light of this new plan of mine...lets get down to business, shall we?

Whats been going on:

Well, I had my son (Jonah) on October 28th 2012. He is currently 2months old and already 16 POUNDS!!!! (I say this in shock because many people have 1yr olds who are 16lbs! lol, Needless to say, Jonah's nickname around our house is, "The Tank"). Unfortunately, during the birthing process I suffered a few complications which I'm afraid have left their mark on my for a lifetime. Mainly, lower back pain. I received an epidural for the pain and it went horribly wrong. I won't get into any real details (don't want to bore you) but it is my opinion that the woman who administered the epidural (which if you didn't know, an epidural is when they put a 6inch needle into your spinal area and inject pain killers to numb you from the pain) was significantly incompetent and she permanently damaged some nerves in my back. Every morning I get up, I have such bad lower back pain that I cannot fully bend over or even walk with my back straight. I even have trouble picking up my little Jonah.  The pain does get better throughout the day and even disappears, but it will re-appear late at night. As I said, I'm afraid that this is something I'm simply going to have to live with. I'm hoping that it won't interfere too much with my weight loss endeavors this time around.

This past December I decided it was about time I got off my butt and got back to working out.  Mainly because I had made it to my 6week recovery period after giving birth and as a Birthday present to myself (my bday is Dec. 8th) I asked Rob for a membership to the local YMCA. I started to go to the gym regularly for about 2 weeks, then when the holidays came and with them, I went down to Fort Myers, FL (2 hrs south of my current location) to visit with my family and friends for the holidays. I was there for about 2 weeks or so and I did not watch what I ate and I did NOT exercise.

Now this leads me to the present time. We are currently in the new year and I STILL have not got my act together. I will admit, I have made significant changes to my day-to-day diet and I even track here or there. But, the motivation is simply lacking. Also, I'm unable to get to the gym in the mornings right now because I am babysitting for a friend and have been for a week.  My car does not have enough room to fit a car seat for her daughter as well as my boys'....so I'm stuck at home with them all day. And I will admit that after she picks up her daughter for the day and I get dinner ready, clean the kitchen and clean up the house from the day's mayhem of child care, I'm pretty darn pooped out. And I rarely make it to the gym at night. My last day of babysitting is this Friday.  My "plan" for this week is to get up early before Rob leaves for work in the morning and before my friend gets here with her daughter, and try to go for a short run. A very very very VERY short run. I'm talking, maybe just 10minutes or so. Then I will go to the gym at night after everything is said and done for the day. Its the best I can do for now. And sometimes, thats just okay.

I can't sit here and type out that I have any really grand ideas of huge successes this year. I CAN tell you that I want to run a half marathon within this year.  I also want to make it simply back to my pre-pregnancy weight (which is roughly 40lbs to lose in order to get there), and I want to get a job using my Paralegal Degree within this year. Thats it. No real "resolutions" this year. I'm simply stating the things I'm planning on doing. I've begun to stop with the New Years Resolutions. I never really do them. Isn't that funny? I think MOST people can agree with me on this one.  I would go as far to say that probably about 80% of all New Year's Resolutions are not completed or accomplished each year. And thats okay too. Thats life.

So, thats it for now. I'll be back tomorrow with another NAIL BITING entry (hahaha - enjoy that sarcasm? Get used to it!)