Monday, May 23, 2011
The Re-Vamping of my mental state.....
This is going to be very difficult for me to convey even through my writing skills, so please bear with me if its seems as though my thoughts are "all over the place" within this blog entry. I'm trying to think things out while typing, even though some things I've already figured out through vlogging last night. See what I mean? This is already getting confusing. But hear me out:
So yesterday (Sunday) I woke up and I watched a few videos from people on Youtube that I'm subscribed to. There were three videos in specific that spoke to me. One of them talked about how our weight loss is not a competition or a race, its a personal journey or quest and you get there when you get there....furthermore if you really think about it, there is no such thing as "getting there" because this idea of being healthy, eating healthy and keep our weight in check is something we will be doing for a lifetime. And if its not something you intend on doing for a lifetime, then you're reading the wrong blog my friend. The second video I watched talked about the stress of life and how if you let stress get to you, it isn't helpful or conducive to weight loss. DUH! And the last (but certainly not least) video I watched showed me how we should all take time out to remind ourselves what it is we like about ourselves, rather than just pointing out (day after day) what it is that we want to change and therefore, dislike about ourselves.
When I tell you that EACH of these videos spoke DIRECTLY to me, I mean it like you have no idea.
First of all, I have turned my journey into this mental competition. I'm a very competitive person (who would have thought...?) and somehow I've had this voice in my head kind of nagging at me saying, "You have to get there, you have to get to goal, now now now now now NOW!" I mean, talk about "stress"????? Good lord! Its no wonder I've been a victim of late night snacking. I've been stressed out over "having to get to goal" by this certain date (Jeremiah's 2nd bday this summer) that its actually causing me to turn to these late-night snacks to relieve that stress. But instead of relieving the stress, it only ADDS more stress because I know in my head that eating those late-night snacks just made me GAIN WEIGHT! AHHHHHHH!!!! What a vicious cycle, eh?
I've been asking myself a lot of questions this morning: When did I start to think of this weight loss journey as a competition? When did I stop enjoying life? When and why did I get it in my head that I can never again enjoy a burger? A piece of pizza (or two)? A cup of frozen yogurt? Why? Why? Why? Somehow I've gotten it in my head that in order to be healthy and at my goal weight, I'll never be able to enjoy all the foods and activities that I used to enjoy so much. Why did I start to think that way? I mean, realistically, can any of us EVER say that we'll NEVER have sweets again in our lives? No. You can't say that. Not if you're being completely honest. You can avoid them, or cut them out on a day to day basis. But lets face it, you're going to be at the birthday party, or cookout, or office party, and DAMMIT, you're gonna have that cake, cupcake, brownie, etc. And whats so bad about that? The answer is that its not bad, or "wrong". But for some reason I've had this mentality in my head that it IS bad, or wrong and therefore I added that stress to my mental capacity. (I feel like I might be losing you here....stick with me, I'm almost through).
So, I've said all that to say this:
I WAS WRONG!
Did you read that? Did ya see it? I said it! I WAS WRONG! Putting this "Goal Date" on my journey (a journey which is basically infinite) was the wrong thing to do. So here in lies my newest and probably most important change to my plans. There is no longer a "Goal Date". Its simply, I get there when I get there. Instead, I'm going to focus on smaller goals such as: Running my first 5k race this summer, then a 10k. Possibly entering into the Warrior Dash in the fall (google-it if you think you're interested). My idea is this: I'm going back to the basics. I'm setting smaller achievable goals and I'm not going to worry about the end result, meaning my goal weight. Yes, I have a number on the scale that I'm working towards, but if I don't get there in two more months....why does it matter? It might take me another 6 months to a year to get to where I want to be. And ya know what? THATS OKAY. I'm OKAY with that fact. I know that I'm doing everything I can to lose the weight. I'm living a healthy lifestyle, I exercise, I eat great and healthy foods, so why am I going to beat the crap out of myself if my body isn't going to get me there by a certain date? Does that make sense?
Now, for those of you out there who may be thinking I'm a quitter or I'm just giving up...well, YOU'RE WRONG. I'm NOT a "Quitter". I do NOT simply give up on things that I set out to do or accomplish or achieve. If you knew me at all, you would know this. I said I'm going to be in the 150's and ya know what? I WILL BE. But I'm doing it my way and in the meantime, I'm going to start enjoying life again. I'm going to start doing the things that I haven't been allowing myself to do. In essence, I'm going to be happy again.
" Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe." - Gali Devers