Monday, May 23, 2011

The Re-Vamping of my mental state.....

This is going to be very difficult for me to convey even through my writing skills, so please bear with me if its seems as though my thoughts are "all over the place" within this blog entry. I'm trying to think things out while typing, even though some things I've already figured out through vlogging last night. See what I mean? This is already getting confusing. But hear me out:

So yesterday (Sunday) I woke up and I watched a few videos from people on Youtube that I'm subscribed to. There were three videos in specific that spoke to me. One of them talked about how our weight loss is not a competition or a race, its a personal journey or quest and you get there when you get there....furthermore if you really think about it, there is no such thing as "getting there" because this idea of being healthy, eating healthy and keep our weight in check is something we will be doing for a lifetime. And if its not something you intend on doing for a lifetime, then you're reading the wrong blog my friend. The second video I watched talked about the stress of life and how if you let stress get to you, it isn't helpful or conducive to weight loss. DUH! And the last (but certainly not least) video I watched showed me how we should all take time out to remind ourselves what it is we like about ourselves, rather than just pointing out (day after day) what it is that we want to change and therefore, dislike about ourselves.
When I tell you that EACH of these videos spoke DIRECTLY to me, I mean it like you have no idea.

First of all, I have turned my journey into this mental competition. I'm a very competitive person (who would have thought...?) and somehow I've had this voice in my head kind of nagging at me saying, "You have to get there, you have to get to goal, now now now now now NOW!" I mean, talk about "stress"????? Good lord! Its no wonder I've been a victim of late night snacking. I've been stressed out over "having to get to goal" by this certain date (Jeremiah's 2nd bday this summer) that its actually causing me to turn to these late-night snacks to relieve that stress. But instead of relieving the stress, it only ADDS more stress because I know in my head that eating those late-night snacks just made me GAIN WEIGHT! AHHHHHHH!!!! What a vicious cycle, eh?

I've been asking myself a lot of questions this morning: When did I start to think of this weight loss journey as a competition? When did I stop enjoying life? When and why did I get it in my head that I can never again enjoy a burger? A piece of pizza (or two)? A cup of frozen yogurt? Why? Why? Why? Somehow I've gotten it in my head that in order to be healthy and at my goal weight, I'll never be able to enjoy all the foods and activities that I used to enjoy so much. Why did I start to think that way? I mean, realistically, can any of us EVER say that we'll NEVER have sweets again in our lives? No. You can't say that. Not if you're being completely honest. You can avoid them, or cut them out on a day to day basis. But lets face it, you're going to be at the birthday party, or cookout, or office party, and DAMMIT, you're gonna have that cake, cupcake, brownie, etc. And whats so bad about that? The answer is that its not bad, or "wrong". But for some reason I've had this mentality in my head that it IS bad, or wrong and therefore I added that stress to my mental capacity. (I feel like I might be losing you here....stick with me, I'm almost through).

So, I've said all that to say this:
Did you read that? Did ya see it? I said it! I WAS WRONG! Putting this "Goal Date" on my journey (a journey which is basically infinite) was the wrong thing to do. So here in lies my newest and probably most important change to my plans. There is no longer a "Goal Date". Its simply, I get there when I get there. Instead, I'm going to focus on smaller goals such as: Running my first 5k race this summer, then a 10k. Possibly entering into the Warrior Dash in the fall (google-it if you think you're interested). My idea is this: I'm going back to the basics. I'm setting smaller achievable goals and I'm not going to worry about the end result, meaning my goal weight. Yes, I have a number on the scale that I'm working towards, but if I don't get there in two more months....why does it matter? It might take me another 6 months to a year to get to where I want to be. And ya know what? THATS OKAY. I'm OKAY with that fact. I know that I'm doing everything I can to lose the weight. I'm living a healthy lifestyle, I exercise, I eat great and healthy foods, so why am I going to beat the crap out of myself if my body isn't going to get me there by a certain date? Does that make sense?

Now, for those of you out there who may be thinking I'm a quitter or I'm just giving up...well, YOU'RE WRONG. I'm NOT a "Quitter". I do NOT simply give up on things that I set out to do or accomplish or achieve. If you knew me at all, you would know this. I said I'm going to be in the 150's and ya know what? I WILL BE. But I'm doing it my way and in the meantime, I'm going to start enjoying life again. I'm going to start doing the things that I haven't been allowing myself to do. In essence, I'm going to be happy again.

" Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe." - Gali Devers


  1. You know, even when I know it was certainly not in your mind or not even a distant intention on your part whatsoever, your post here has really, seriously made me feel a ton better this morning. I was feeling really lousy till I read this.

    To me, this is like the top of the top in evolving how we think about all of this. There is no race, no competition, no "winner". I blame a lot of that mentality on "The Biggest Loser" TV program (which is another whole blog in and of itself -- I really think it is a horrible example that they set!). Yes, we all want to lose the fat (not the weight really, but the FAT). And we all have goals. But to me, the long-term number goals just never made sense.

    If I'm going through a divorce, I lose my job, my best friend dies -- whatever -- I will often fall off the wagon. I'll miss those time goals. Then I beat myself up yet again. Even if those things don't happen, I can plateau, my body can shift in its metabolism -- who knows?? Stuff happens. And it doesn't mean I'm a "failure" if I don't meet some time deadline.

    In fact, I'd even go farther and say we ought to almost build-in a "failure" episode into any major ~100 lb weight loss effort. These are SO huge and take SO many months/years, that I don't even think it's realistic to just keep losing week after week like a robot (yes, we all know people who do this, but it isn't typical or probably normal).

    For me (and this is again just for me), my only real goals are week-to-week (and now maybe every 2 weeks, or maybe every month, I don't know). Shorter-term weight loss time frames, and small amounts of loss. As long as the "vector" in this path is pointing downward, even the slightest amount, I know I am on the right track. Doesn't matter how many months or years it takes because I know I will get there.

    For me, I will make tiny adjustments if things go awry. These are so tiny that my body doesn't seem to notice them, but they are enough to keep that downward direction going.

    Happiness, to me, is most of the battle. If you're miserable it just makes one more thing you have to fight. And misery is not sustainable, so you will likely re-gain. There's no point to it, to me. It is possible to be/feel happy AND lose weight AND sustain the loss. It may take more thought and it may take more time, but again there is no rush, there is no deadline. And I feel that if you do it the right way, you will keep the fat off for life and not have the quick re-gain.

    I feel that for me once again, losing slowly is a process that allows my body to not know it is losing weight. There is no shock. I'm not tempted to binge because I'm not hungry. It just feels right to me, and the other dieting I did in the past always felt like torture.

    I still eat Cheetos. I still eat 5 Guys. I will still eat enchiladas. I still eat chocolate. The difference is now I don't crave it like a wild/crazy man, and I naturally stop myself before consuming a ton of it. And these are now rare treats and not a regular thing. And more often I don't even think of them as treats but as a last resort when I don't make myself something better to eat.

    Julie, I really admire you, I really enjoy your vlogs and your blogs. And right now, this made my day. I wasn't planning to post or do vids or do anything but I consider you to be a true friend and you are like medicine many times!! Crazy I know.

    Returning to my self-imposed exile,


  2. I love this blog! I was thinking about that the other day because whenever there is a party or a cookout I put it in my mind I don't want to go to be tempted. I tried to go to one and I benched, but I only benched cause I have been keeping these foods out of my life and the other reason I benched I keep thinking need to eat as much as I can cause' after today I am not going to do it again. I have to major cookouts and birthday parties coming up. On Saturday the nieces are going to have a graduation party and on Monday the family is going to have a cookout. I decided I would go and eat the food but not over eat or sacrifice a food I wanted. I'm happy that I'm not a cake, cookie or dessert kind of person I won't be double benching. I'm currently working on a different plan on doing this and keeping a journal in a notebook of everything I'm feeling and releasing everything out there. I want to do this journey as a life time change. I just need to learn to do it the right way not set weight goals but fitness goals or goals to eating smaller meals. I have gone from 284.4 to 240, but I'm just soo eager to get to the 200 that whenever I do bad I just tell myself stop if you cant keep doing that and disciplining myself in my mind. Weight loss is both mental and physical and it suxs when you just feel like giving up or just saying it's not worth sacrificing when you are seeing the numbers go down. I hate still being this far away from my goal. I love reading your blogs and watching your videos it keeps me motivated or you talk alot about the things I go through or see it the way we people see it when losing weight.