I remember after I had Jeremiah I went for a visit to see my grandma (his great-grandma) in Michigan. It was a great visit, but full of a lot of picture taking; which at that point in my life, I loathed taking pictures. Basically I felt like crap and I knew that I was very overweight and I just didn't feel like taking pictures to document that time in my life. But on that trip my grandma said something to me that has stuck with me ever since. We were discussing how much life changes when you have a child and she was rendering whatever encouragement, warnings, or advice she could as a veteran in having babies and taking care of them. I remember telling her that some days I never got out of my pajamas, or often forgot to shower because of dealing with feedings and burping and diaper changes, etc. (If you're a mother...then you understand what I'm talking about). I told my grandma how most of the time I don't ever feel pretty and how I don't even care about putting on makeup or even leaving the house. My grandma, in her infinite wisdom, then said to me, "Julie...don't ever lose your pride." Wow. That made me think.
Of course its natural to lose sight of what you want when you're taking care of a tiny human life. That tiny life becomes all important and the only thing you care about anymore. But its not okay to stop caring about how you look, or how you present yourself to others.
----------> Is this not exactly what happens when it comes to weight gain and loss?
Think about it, why do we really gain weight? Sure, we're enjoying ourselves when we're overeating and being lazy...but why do we keep stuffing our faces? Because food has become our friend, our comfort, and we turn to it when we're reminded of how heavy we are. For example, we see a picture of ourselves and we notice how heavy we have gotten, so for most of us, the first thing we do is reach for the chips, ice cream, burgers, pizza, or whatever we can stuff ourselves with so that we can comfort ourselves from feeling the pain of seeing that picture. Its such a vicious cycle, and no one, I mean NO ONE can ever fully understand this cycle unless they too, have been overweight/obese and struggled with this food addiction.
But why do some of us experience this vicious cycle over and over again and do nothing to stop it? In my opinion, its because we've lost our sense of pride. We've stopped caring how big our waist is. We've stopped caring about our health and wellness because we feel that we're so ugly and fat and gross that we don't deserve to be healthy and happy. I think of myself and how I was when I was in that state of mind. I purposely avoided full length mirrors, I only attempted a quick glimpse in a mirror from my shoulders up. I just couldn't face the fact that I was so big and so unhealthy...it made me feel hopeless, worthless, and disgusting. Those were some of the darkest moments in my life. But those words woke me up: