Monday, January 21, 2013

Executive Decision (9/365)

Today, I made a very important decision.  An "Executive Decision" if you will. I made the decision to sit on my ass. And no, I'm not happy about it.

FOR THE RECORD: I was NOT willing to sit at home for yet another day. Nope, I was all ready and willing to pack the kids up and head to the gym at 4pm today. Then, reality set in.  Reality in this case, came in the form of my husband. See, he had the day off from work today and I invited him to come with us to the gym. He asked how my back was feeling today and I told him, honestly, that it was not at 100%.  Basically, the sharp pains that I had in my back yesterday are gone, but what is left is the feeling of sore muscles. I liken it to the same feeling you get in your abs when you do a lot of sit-ups or crunches and the next day you feel a bit sore in that area.  Well, thats how my lower back muscles felt today. From what I can gather, I think these muscles are sore because they were working so hard to compensate for the awkward way I had to walk and move all day yesterday due to the sharp pains I was having. So, after I answered him I realized that going to the gym with the intention of working out pretty hard when your body is not feeling particularly normal, probably isn't a great idea.

And I HATED IT. All day long I felt like a big old lazy loser. Ya know what it felt like to me? It felt like I was just making yet another excuse as to why I just couldn't find the time or ability to workout today.  This is just another reason why I'm so angry that this happened to me.  If it hadn't of been for that stupid epidural I would be back up and running - literally- just like I used to. But again, I have to take my own words from last night's entry and live by them. This is life. We can't help the situations that happen to us and you can't go back in time to do things differently - if I could, I would go back and have an all natural birth - so I'm just going to get a good night's sleep tonight and resolve to try my best again tomorrow. I AM going to the gym tomorrow. If I find that my back is still sore, then I'll take it extremely easy and maybe just walk the entire time on the treadmill, but if I'm feeling a lot more normal (cross your fingers, arms and toes for me) then I'll hit it hard like I normally do.

I have a feeling that this is how its going to be for me from here on out. I'll have some good days where everything is fine, and then I'll have some bad days where I'm in pain and there's just nothing I can do about that, except learn how to deal with it.

Yes, I'm feeling a little down...but determined to pick myself back up and try, try, try again. Goodnight.

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